You look like you could use a little cheering up.
Not a problem. I’m here to help you.
Let’s start with the Bears, of course. You’re depressed we’re 2-3.
You’re not looking at the big picture. Including this Sunday at Atlanta, there are only 43 regular-season games left in the Jay Cutler era. That’s 11 this year and two more 16-game seasons.
I’m going to use the three-year, $54 million contract number and assume the Bears absolutely will not opt to finish out the seven-year, $126 million deal. They’re not crazy. Well, maybe they are. They structured the deal.
I’m also assuming no playoff games because really, how could we?
So, 43 games. Based on what we know, the Bears will go 21-22. As for you, let’s start working on a plan to miss most of these games. Here’s a plan I suggest.
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1) Grow up. Find a wife or husband, some meaningful work. Perhaps have some kids, though can you believe this world? That’s risky at best.
2) Alternate no-kid plan: dogs. Research the best ones for you, but I’m suggesting the border collie. They’re smart, engaging and fun to watch and be around, unlike the Bears.
3) Go back to school. Get that graduate degree. Heck, get that high school equivalency. Call Columbia. Call Roosevelt. Call DeVry. There’s a program out there for you.
4) Hobbies. Careful here. It’s easy to choose poorly. No one wants to look back on their life and say, “I really wish I had that Harry Potter Forever Stamp!”
Yeah! They gave that nerd a stamp!
5) Travel and explore the world. Start locally and visit local cities like Rockford, Peoria and Kankakee, and give thanks you’re just visiting.
Joy, joy, joy. Favorite Cutler quote on one pick: “High and over the middle is never a good thing.” Really? You’re 31 years old and just learning this? Can’t wait till you’re 36!
More good news: Northwestern football is alive! A couple of big wins and they’re back in the race.
But here’s the best: Blackhawk hockey is back!
I told you I’m here to please.
Bag Boy is a RedEye special contributor.