1. Alabama 5-0:
Depth will become huge issue if 15 or 16 more players are lost to season-ending injuries. (1)
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2. Oregon 5-0:
Wine Advocate beat writer describes DAT (De’Anthony Thomas): “Velvety smooth, concealing enough structure to evolve for 4-5 years.” (2)
3. Florida State 5-0:
Locals will pitch the HOF Raleigh (chicken) fingers when you get to N.C. State. (3)
4. West Virginia 4-0:
First time in these rankings’ history team has moved up after surrendering 63 points. (5)
5. Kansas State 4-0:
Should handle Kansas unless “out-schemed” by coach who lost to Rice and NIU. (6)
6. LSU 5-0:
Irish backup center boasts Tigers could beat last opponent “999 out of a Towson times.” (3)
7. Texas 4-0:
Austin City limits welcomes “Hurricane Geno and his band of Heisman haymakers.” (7)
8. Georgia 5-0:
Fans chant “We Want West Virginia!” after defense holds Tennessee to only 44 points. (8)
9. South Carolina 5-0:
Trailed Kentucky at the half but then went into its Wildcat Victory Formation. (12)
10. Notre Dame 4-0:
Once-heated series vs. Miami taken off burner to let stand 30 minutes before serving. (9)
11. Florida 4-0:
Coach switches off LSU game tape and says, “Boy I’m glad we’re not playing Towson.” (13)
12. Oregon State 3-0:
Mike Riley grants exclusive postgame meal access to “Diners, Drive-ins and Dive plays.” (16)
13. USC 3-1:
Nuttyendings.com predicts Trojans will defeat Utah again by score of 17-14 and 23-14. (11)
14. Ohio State 5-0:
Opponent complains grainy game tape Urban Meyer sent was actually Marx Brothers’ “Horse Feathers.” (22)
15. Oklahoma 2-1:
Local cleaners union says it’s not fair QB “Laundry” Jones is being hung out to dry. (14)
16. Clemson 4-1:
Sammy Watkins back after abdominal virus attributed to drinking “Clemson Shaving Cream Soda.” (15)
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17. TCU 4-0:
Frogs terrible in the red zone but no one said it was easy being green. (18)
18. Washington 3-1:
Wine Spectator Oregon-game preview: “Aromas of intense cherry and berry with ample oak.” (NR)
19. Stanford 3-1:
Player forced to retake SATs after way too many stupid mistakes against Washington. (10)
20. UCLA 4-1:
Jim Mora tries to get inside opponent’s head by screaming at Cal’s sports information department. (21)
21. Rutgers 4-0:
October sets up like an early Springsteen mini-tour: Connecticut, Syracuse, Temple, Kent State. (20)
22. Louisville 5-0:
Proof that only half the Big East was dismantled and sold off as scrap metal. (17)
23. Northwestern 5-0:
“Do-it-all junior” Kain Colter actually once, a long time ago, couldn’t do something. (24)
24. Nebraska 4-1:
Shrink gives former Buckeye Bo Pelini ways to overcome his Woody Hayes Athletic Complex. (NR)
25. Louisiana Tech, 4-0:
Rankings discover possible BCS underdog contender in bottom of sock drawer. (NR)