1. Alabama (8-0): Nick Saban celebrated 60th birthday Monday by scaring kids off his porch. (1)
2. Louisiana State (8-0): Sorry Les Miles, only “hat” welcome where you’re headed is Houndstooth. (2)
3. Stanford 8-0: Andrew Luck should save his pick-six plays for Santa Anita racetrack. (3)
4. Oklahoma State 8-0: Cowboys defense has created more turnovers this year than Pillsbury. (5)
5. Boise State 7-0: Word on street is school about to hire new schedule-strength coach. (4)
6. Oklahoma 7-1: After Texas Tech loss it felt good to stretch out and pound somebody by 41 points. (8)
7. Oregon 7-1: Coach Chip Kelly so bored with winning he decided to start quarterback controversy. (7)
8.; Arkansas 7-1: Only in BCS world could Hogs jump three spots after comeback victory at Vanderbilt. (9)
9. Nebraska 7-1: Huskers moving through Big Ten schedule with Rex Burkhead of steam. (13)
10. Virginia Tech 8-1: Check UPS tracking for fruitcake shipped to commemorate four-point victory over Duke. (14)
11. Houston 8-0: At Alabama-Birmingham on Saturday in BCS flyweight undercard to LSU-Alabama. (16)
12. South Carolina 7-1: Signs point toward another SEC title-game massacre versus West Division. (15)
13. Clemson 8-1: Defeat saves ACC awkwardness of champion losing title-game spot to Boise. (6)
14. Penn State (8-1): Famous ogre in Green Bay once said: “Ugly isn’t everything, it’s the only thing.” (21)
15. Kansas State 7-1: Now called “Kansas Steak University” after getting grilled by Oklahoma. (10)
16. Michigan State 6-2: Team from giant auto industry state never imagined getting run over by Lincoln. (11)
17. Wisconsin 6-2: English comp professor tells class to go back and rewrite last two endings. (12)
18. Arizona State 6-2: UCLA minion Max Headroom says 6-8 quarterback too tall to enter Rose Bowl tunnel. (19)
19. USC 6-2: Morley Safer says only Lane Kiffin could turn one second into a “60 Minutes” episode. (20)
20. Georgia Tech 7-2: Deli serving “ham on bye” sandwich between Clemson and Virginia Tech. (NR)
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21. West Virginia 6-2: Players required to wear law suits and ties for remaining Big East games. (23)
22: Michigan 7-1: Wolverines already have matched last year’s victory total under coach Poor Rodriguez. (22)
23. Georgia 6-2: If Boise played Georgia’s grueling schedule it would be hosting New Mexico State this week. (24)
24. Texas 5-2: Replay of 43-0 victory over Kansas will be shown on Goose Egg Network. (25)
25. Auburn 6-3: Scraping Tigers out of top 25 tough as getting chewing gum off your shoe. (NR)
Dropped out: Texas A&M (17), Texas Tech (18).