Go to any Las Vegas sports book or Web site that caters to those of us who “invest,” and you’ll find hundreds of propositional plays on baseball.
There are some intriguing props this year, as always. Put me down for the under on saves for Bobby Jenks and Carlos Marmol. Both go off at 30.5, and I’m unconvinced either will be closing when July arrives.
But let’s leave the quantifiable stuff alone. Locally, it’s the sideshows that interest me, which is why I’ve chosen to set some of my own lines.
Carlos Zambrano meltdowns: I’m setting the over/under at 6.5. Big Z earns a meltdown point for an ejection, punching a teammate or an inanimate object and any act of insubordination. The latter would include not taking treatment, missing a team flight, swinging for the downs in batting practice or jawing with Lou Piniella when the manager asks for the ball.
Smart money is on the over. Until proven otherwise for a full season, I’m not buying the new Zambrano he’s been selling in Arizona.
Ozzie Guillen mini-dramas: The White Sox skipper earns a point for an ejection, mentioning his dismissal or retirement, engaging in any social networking soap opera, insulting somebody in the media or expressing his disdain for the Cubs or Wrigley Field.
Let’s set the O/U at 10.5. Given Guillen’s growing tug of war with Kenny Williams, the over looks like free money.
Cubs fans vs. Sox fans: It’s the race to aberrant behavior. Neither side of town finds it easy making it through the season without knuckleheads running on the field, tackling a first base coach, throwing beer at an opposing outfielder or littering the field with trash after a questionable call.
I call this one a pick ’em. And I want to wish the Chicago police department good luck when the Sox and Cubs play a rare night game against each other June 26 at the Cell. If I’m a copper, I ask for that day off.
First to the DL: So many options here, but Alfonso Soriano has to go off as the favorite at 5/1. Carlos Quentin is on his heels at 7/1. Both are solid plays, but so are Jenks (9/1), Omar Vizquel (10/1) and Aramis Ramirez (12/1).
First outfielder gaffe to cost his team a game: Lack of range, fear of walls and pop-gun arms muddy both outfields this year. Alex Rios and Marlon Byrd give some hope, but Soriano, Quentin, Juan Pierre, Andruw Jones and Xavier Nady don’t inspire confidence.
Pierre is the favorite (3/1), followed by Soriano (4/1) and Quentin (6/1). Jones and Nady figure to play sparingly, so both are 12/1.
First torched by his own fans: I can see this one decided Monday. If Mark Buehrle gives a lead to Scott Linebrink in the opener against Cleveland and Linebrink doesn’t hold it, the Sox righty settles this before the Cubs set foot in Wrigley.
Linebrink is on the shortest leash in Sox Nation and is a 3/1 favorite. Soriano also is on the hot seat in Wrigleyville and is 5/1. I’m so convinced it’ll be one of those two who draws the ire of the home folks, I’ll make the field 8/1.
Hawk vs. Len: Both clubs have terrific television booths, but both play-by-play men have habits that annoy some viewers. Harrelson loves to crucify umpires. Kasper loves to talk about music.
So, it’s Hawk’s beefs with umps versus Kasper’s iPod. I’ll call that contest a pick ’em and set the over/under for both at 24.5.
And I’m going over on both props. I don’t see either team winning its division, which will make for a cranky Harrelson and a looking-for-a-diversion Kasper.
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