So a presidential candidate walks into a bar…

by Frank James

So an Associated Press reporter walks into a bar and, lo and behold, the presidential candidates are sitting there…

Actually, a bar wasn’t involved. But the AP has been asking the candidates a series of questions meant to elicit a more personal sense of the woman and men who would be president.

What’s your least favorite food? was one question that resulted in a story this week. We’ll get to that later.

Today, the AP is runnning a story about the candidates’ favorite jokes. The AP’s suggested headline: “They just flew in from Iowa and boy are their jokes tired.” (Insert rimshot here.)

You would think this is one area where all the candidates would let their hair down and have a little fun. Wrong. It looks like some of the campaigns just refused to go along with the joke story.

Here’s how the piece starts:

By CALVIN WOODWARD, Associated Press Writer

WASHINGTON (AP) — Presidential candidates have a hog, a pair of drunks and a true story to rival the tale of the Jamaican bobsled team in their bag of jokes.

The Associated Press asked them to tell a favorite joke, most on the spot, in a series of interviews about their personal side. Or, if not a joke, then a story that loosens people up.

DEMOCRATS:

New York Sen. Hillary Rodham Clinton (smiling): “I’m not going to tell you.”

What’s this? Clinton couldn’t come up with a single joke or funny story that she uses to warm her audiences up? We know she reportedly has this thing for privacy but who knew it extended to jokes? John Edwards went for a joke featuring rustic southern charm, according to the AP.

Former North Carolina Sen. John Edwards (gesturing, Southern accent in full fly): “This guy’s driving down a country road and he looks over and there’s this farmer holding his hog, holding his hog up to an apple tree. And the guy pulls over — he’s a city guy — he pulls over and walks over and he says, ‘What are you doing?’ And the guy’s straining. He’s holding the hog. His face is red and he said, ‘Feeding my hog.’ And he said, ‘Feeding your hog?’ He said, ‘Now dunnit take a lot of time? Holding the hog up to an apple tree to feed him, dunnit take a lot of time?’ He says, ‘Time don’t mean nothing to a damned old hog.”‘

A joke with a hog in it. Edwards is definitely working hard for the Iowa vote.

Looks like the AP was unable to coax a joke out of Obama or his campaign. They had to resort to the line he’s been using in appearances ever since he learned that Vice President Cheney and he shared a distant relative.

Illinois Sen. Barack Obama: He’s “the black sheep of the family.” Obama’s reaction to word that he and Vice President Dick Cheney might be distant relatives.

Bill Richardson, the New Mexico governor goes for the self-deprecating. It’s a line he uses in his standard campaign speech too.

New Mexico Gov. Bill Richardson: “My wife told me I’m doing well in a recent poll in New Mexico. I asked her how, since I’m never there. I’m always out of the state campaigning for president. And she told me that’s exactly why I’m doing well.”

REPUBLICANS:

Former New York Mayor Rudy Giuliani: Campaign says his favorite joke is “the most recent one that made him laugh.”

That seems like a real cop out from the former mayor. Hasn’t he heard the one about the presidential candidate who answered his cell phone during a speech to the National Rifle Association?

Back to the AP story:

Former Arkansas Gov. Mike Huckabee: “Probably the one, and it’s a true story, telling about riding a bobsled at the Olympic track at Salt Lake City in February of 2001, one year before the Olympics. … It’s pretty funny because I had never seen a bobsled until I was in one. It was the most horrifying moment I think I ever had in my entire life. But I think when I tell the story, people can imagine themselves in a similar situation and I usually I get a pretty good laugh out of it.”

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Of couse, those were the Olympics Mitt Romney ran. Was he responsible for putting Huckabee in the bobsled? Bet he’d like to see the former Arkansas governor back in a bobsled in Utah until, say, the Iowa caucuses are over.

Back to AP:

Arizona Sen. John McCain: “Long story about a guy walking into a bar and noticing another guy at the end. They strike up a conversation and notice many similarities. Another guy walks in later and asks the bartender about the commotion. ‘Oh, that’s just the O’Reilly brothers getting drunk again.”‘

Nothing will make people focus on McCain’s age (he’s 72) as him telling drunken-Irish jokes that could’ve been told in the 19th century.

Back to AP:

Former Massachusetts Gov. Mitt Romney, referring to his wife: “Well, the best one, of course, is the, ‘Ann, did you in your wildest dreams see me running for president?’ And when I say that she says, ‘You weren’t in my wildest dreams.’ That gets the best response.”

That’s actually a very good joke, the winner in a weak field.

The story ends with Fred Thompson, where it just sort of peters out, which is probably appropriate given Thompson’s reputation as a lackluster campaigner.

I warned you.

Here’s the previous story about the foods the candidates hate.

PERSONAL SIDE: Presidential candidates are a pack of carnivores

By CALVIN WOODWARD Associated Press Writer

WASHINGTON (AP) _ John Edwards has to be a mighty hungry man before he’ll touch that mushroom on his plate. Mitt Romney says he’s never met an eggplant he’d eat.

Presidential candidates do not seem to be fussy eaters for the most part. Yet they have distinct dislikes, mostly from the veggie kingdom.

The Associated Press asked them a series of questions about their personal tastes, traits and backgrounds. Today’s question and their answers:

What food do you hate?

DEMOCRATS:

New York Sen. Hillary Rodham Clinton: ”I like nearly everything. I don’t like the things that are still alive.”

Former North Carolina Sen. John Edwards: ”I can’t stand mushrooms. I don’t want them on anything that I eat. And I have had to eat them because you get food served and it’s sitting there and you’re starving, so you eat.”

Illinois Sen. Barack Obama: ”Beets, and I always avoid eating them.”

New Mexico Gov. Bill Richardson: Mushrooms, specifically. ”I’m not a big vegetable eater.” Recalling the first President Bush’s distaste for broccoli, he said: ”I sympathize with that fully.”

REPUBLICANS:

Former New York Mayor Rudy Giuliani: Liver.

Former Arkansas Gov. Mike Huckabee: ”Carrots. I just don’t like carrots. I banned them from the governor’s mansion when I was governor of Arkansas because I could.”

Arizona Sen. John McCain: ”I eat almost everything. Sometimes I don’t do too well with vegetables.”

Former Massachusetts Gov. Mitt Romney: ”Eggplant, in any shape or form. And I’ve always been able to avoid it.”

Former Tennessee Sen. Fred Thompson: ”Not much. I’ve tried to do better about that. I jokingly say that we kind of have a diet around our house that if it tastes good, you don’t eat it. I haven’t quite got there yet. There’s not much that I turn down. That’s a good thing on the campaign trail because you get quite a variety.”

The AP promises that we’ll be reading about the candidates’ first cars soon.