The Encyclopedia of Immaturity
By the editors of Klutz (Klutz, $19.95)
You can judge this book by its cover, featuring the Mona Lisa with a mustache and an arrow through her head. Inside are 300 playfully illustrated puzzles, pranks and instructions for tricks like making plastic-spoon catapults. This “complete guide for the well-rounded goof” is spiral-bound, so it lies flat while you’re learning how to stick a pencil in your ear and pull it out of your nose.
1. To disgust people, wet your hands, stand behind them and make a sneeze noise while shaking your hands onto the back of their neck. Say “Bless me!” and sniffle a few times.
2. Hoping to sneak around your house undetected? Walk near walls, where the floor is less likely to squeak.
3. The German word for “poop” is bais. In Japanese it’s unchi. In Farsi it’s aiee. In Slovene it’s drek.
4. Flies live about a month. Assuming humans live 70 years, one fly year equals about 800 human years. To determine your age in fly years, multiply your age by 800.
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5. F’s on report cards can be turned into A’s with a simple line. “Unlike a lot of systems that are supposed to help you improve your grades, our system is guaranteed.”