Tracy fills in for Jimmy. Rahula Strohl is here because it’s part of his community service. Sign up at redeyechicago.com/fiveonfive.
Tracy Swartz
Phillip Thompson
Leo Ebersole
Rahula Strohl
EvilSuperComputer
TOPIC 1: WHAT IS SOME ADVICE THE CUBS CAN GIVE TO THE BEARS?
Go back to playing dead. The season will end much quicker, leaving free time for crime.
Hear me out: Felix Pie as a pinch-runner for Cedric Benson. Think about it.
If you feel things sliding in the wrong direction, punch a teammate and demand he be traded.
The Bears already know how to be overmatched in the divisional playoffs.
Give all your valuables to Evil Super Computer.
TOPIC 2: HOW WOULD THE CUBS BE DIFFERENT IF MARK CUBAN BOUGHT THEM?
One more loudmouth fan in a Ricky Martin tank top? Is that possible?
Three words: Cubs reality show.
Meet your 2008 Cubs: Now with 110 percent more whining from the stands.
Lou will finally have some base-throwing competition.
They’d finally have some stones on that team. Yeah, I said it.
TOPIC 3: WHAT IMPROVEMENTS WOULD YOU MAKE TO THE CHICAGO MARATHON?
More bottled water. Lake water=ache water.
Pick a route that will be free of traffic for hours at time … like a CTA line.
I’d probably start by, I don’t know, supplying some drinking water.
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Move the decimal point and make it 2.62 miles. That’s much easier.
I’ll be there next year selling each bottle of water for $50 … and your undying allegiance!
TOPIC 4: WHAT DO YOU EXPECT TO SEE DURING THE BULLS’ FIRST PRESEASON GAME?
Jo Noah rocking Florida’s signature double denim: jean jacket, jorts.
For Tyrus Thomas to be one of the few NBA starters to foul out of a preseason game.
I expect the entire team to wear pinky bands to show solidarity with Ben Wallace.
A ‘fro or two. I’m lookin’ at you, Joakim and Big Ben.
Headbands for everyone! Mind-control headbands.
TOPIC 5: GEORGE STEINBRENNER SAYS HE’LL FIRE HIS MANAGER IF HE DOESN’T WIN. THOUGHTS?
No one knows what this guy’s capable of. He fires people like it’s a bodily function.
And it’s such a cushy, stress-free job. Who wouldn’t want to work under those conditions?
Somebody missed an afternoon nap.
I tend to think about 20something girls, not septuagenarian billionaires. Um, hey, Tracy!
I’m really disappointed. George, it’s not “win or else.” It’s “win … OR PERISH!”