Warning: This is a column about a museum exhibit. Now, if you’re the type of guy who’d sooner juggle venomous snakes or sit through a screening of “Miss Potter” than tour a museum, read on. This might appeal to you.
Part of the attraction of exploring exhibits at the Field Museum is that, when you leave, you feel a bit more evolved. Whether the focus is King Tut or genetics, the exhibits are always culturally stimulating; they enrich your mind and soul, making you feel better about yourself afterward as you’re drifting off to sleep on the couch or barstool.
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And if there was ever an exhibit that appeals to guys wary of the Field Museum, it’s Evolving Planet, which begins with a storm of volcanic eruptions, follows with displays of primitive weapons and ferocious dinosaurs and can be completed in about 20 minutes. (Brevity is key in museum exhibits.)
The exhibit begins with the beginning of Earth, which formed about 4.6 billion years ago, explains professor Robert D. Martin, who is the A. Watson Armour III curator of biological anthropology at the Field Museum. (Try fitting that on a business card!) “And the story gets under way with the first organisms with several different cells–about 600 million years ago.”
About a month ago, I toured the exhibit, having the misfortune to be grouped with a gaggle of preteen girls whose incessant blather nearly had me wresting a spear from a caveman display. But I managed to tune out the 21st Century and tune in to the history of my home planet. Here’s what I discovered:
The “Evolution of Sex” display is a huge tease; it features single-celled organisms (and not even hot ones at that).
While the “Do Not Touch” signs posted near bloodthirsty prehistoric predators are guidelines for modern museum visitors, I assume that was also a good policy to follow back in the day.
There’s a primitive piece of art featuring the painted image of an early man with a huge, um, spear. Men have been exaggerating their size for 40,000 years.
Modern humans have a number of vestigial organs, or “leftovers from our ancestors,” as the sign reads. G oosebumps are leftovers from our ape days, when the physical reaction would fluff our hair, making us appear larger and more intimidating to enemies. This explains why Robin Williams is the most intimidating man on Earth.
There is a chronological line of busts displaying how the human skull has evolved and how we’ve gotten much better looking over the years.
Early man’s tools and modern prisoners’ shanks are indistinguishable. The only difference is early man used his to cut meat, and prisoners use theirs to cut snitches.
I was most surprised to find how long it took for Homo sapiens to pop up in Earth’s timeline. It’s not until the very end of Evolving Planet that the first primitive human appears, and I want to applaud like the studio audiences did when Fonzie walked into the room.
In a glass case I find Lucy, our 3.2-million-year-old aunt. She’s short and hairy. Luckily for all of us, one of our male ancestors was turned on by that look. Evolution ain’t pretty.
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