Every year around this time, it occurs to me that maybe I ought to make a couple of New Year’s resolutions to try to be a better person in some way. I used to examine my bad habits, review my most recent mistakes and start a list. After a page or two, I’d get frustrated at its intimidating length and detail, and I’d tear it up. Now I simply try to think of one truly stupid thing I did in the previous year and make a resolution not ever to do that thing again.
I find this more attainable and, for the most part, I have avoided making the same stupid mistake twice. Here are some resolutions about stupid mistakes spanning my many decades. This annual review is by no means a complete list–just highlights:
– I will not plug a three-prong electric heater cord into an adapter connected to a flimsy two-prong extension cord and go to sleep with the heater on the highest setting. Also, I will not leave the front door locked when running out of the building after the fire starts so that the firemen have to chop it in with axes. (I didn’t do this, but a close friend really did, and it seemed a good thing to resolve not to do.)
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– I will not depend on “eyeballing it” to conclude there is enough room to drive a 1968 Buick LeSabre convertible between two legs of iron scaffolding in front of the garage door.
– I will not paint myself into a corner and waste hours learning firsthand the meaning of the expression “about as exciting as watching paint dry.” In my defense, there was a window I had planned to use for an exit, but I neglected to check if it was painted shut. It was.
– I will not try to remove a fence post by attaching a chain to my aunt’s car bumper and stepping on the gas unless I need to forcibly remove the bumper for some other reason.
– I resolve that if taking in another 16-year-old rescued cat who is distrustful and frightened, I will not try to pick her up for the first few days unless my doctor has indicated that I have excess blood and need to be bled by a few pints to restore my constitutional balances. In fact, not even then.
The good thing about our mess-ups is that they teach us to not make a stupid mistake twice, provided we avoid something that actually kills us. Of course, if that occurs, you certainly won’t make the same mistake a second time.
In coming weeks, I would love to hear stories from readers about your own best (worst) boo-boos (maybe not those that involved serious injuries, amputations, death and such). I will select the most astonishing or funny tales and publish them in the near future. We needn’t use real first names or real locations, if any storyteller so desires.
May none of our mistakes this next year be life-threatening to ourselves (or others), so that we at least get the opportunity to learn from them.
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Mr. HandyPerson wants to hear of home repair matters that are troubling you. Please e-mail Mr. HandyPerson at [email protected].