Face it, today’s political climate is a tad tense. These days, what starts as a healthy debate of current events at the dinner table or water cooler can easily turn into an ugly, irreversible brawl.
As Election Day nears, how do you talk to friends, co-workers and family about politics without ruining your relationship? The answer is somewhat bleak.
For the most part, don’t bother, says Barbara O’Connor, a communications professor and director of the Institute for the Study of Politics and Media at Sacramento State. Unless you can separate opinion from values, “why ruin a good meal?”
“Remember that politics are about values and values are deeply held and resistant to change,” O’Connor says. “Families have enough of their own value conflicts without adding political ones to the mix.”
Joseph Tuman, a CBS political analyst, disagrees. Engaging each other in political dialogue is vital, he says.
“The real exercise in democracy is not going to be found in watching debates or reading political advertisements,” says Tuman, professor of political communication at San Francisco State. “The place where the rubber hits the road is around the dinner table, in the living room, in the carpool on the way to work.”
Tuman teaches his students how to talk about politics without insulting one another. Both experts suggest focusing energy on an exchange rather than a debate. Here’s how:
Abortion, the death penalty, feminism. Those are based on values and you can’t change people’s values overnight, but you can share your opinion. “You can always take in new data,” O’Connor says.
Be specific. Is it Arnold Schwarzenegger you don’t like, or free-market economics?
Use science, logic and facts to back up your arguments, not personal attacks.
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Be an “equal opportunity comic.” Tuman says: “If you’re going to make a joke about Bush’s vocabulary, be sure to make one about [someone else’s] use of voluminous hair mousse.”
Find equal examples of corruption. The shenanigans and behavior that give us so much to debate know no partisan lines. “This time Mark Foley was caught with his pants down,” Tuman says. “A few years ago, it was a Democratic president.”
Ask a lot of questions. If you’re doing all the talking, you won’t get anywhere.
Be logical. Let your anti-war opinions flow if you’re with a group of people who share your value system. But if you’re with the VFW, you’d be considered an outsider. Think about it.
Above all is tolerance. “You haven’t walked in people’s shoes,” O’Connor says. “Finding out what brought them to where they are can be very powerful.”