In a cosmic shift, John Gray–the Mars/Venus communications guru–suggests that listening to your spouse’s feelings might not do you a lick of good.
If your sweetie’s upset or crabby, don’t assume he or she feels unloved or unheard, suggests Gray.
Your partner might just be hungry.
“Let’s say you are going down the highway and your wife suggests, `Maybe we could look for a restaurant in a little bit, honey,”‘ Gray said recently. “That is a code blue alert–an emergency. Her blood sugar has dropped, and she will suffer temporary amnesia. She won’t remember anything good you’ve ever done, and she will look at you like you are the biggest loser in the world.”
Gray, author of “Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus,” built his reputation exploring gender differences. Now he is turning his attention to the role of food and exercise in relationships.
His message: Keeping your tummy comfy can also stave off a fight with your loved one.
Gray’s theories aren’t new or revolutionary. But many couples overlook the connection, some experts say.
Early warning system
Dr. Vicki Rackner, a clinical instructor at the University of Washington School of Medicine, says many people ignore the early signs of hunger. Sugar lows and hunger often manifest as irritability, moodiness or being snappish, she said.
“If you are thinking, `How many times do I have to ask him I need to get that towel off the floor?’ you may just be hungry,” she said.
Of course, Gray believes Mars works differently from Venus. He contends women are far more sensitive to sugar lows, encouraging men to identify warning signs and keep healthy snacks handy (such as cherries and popcorn, rather than a chocolate bar).
He said men, on the other hand, more easily suffer from dopamine deficiencies, which can make them vulnerable to addictions and driving over the speed limit.
He suggests that men need a morning exercise routine and foods rich in protein such as eggs, fish and yogurt.
Rackner, however, believes dietary needs vary more by person and not necessarily along gender lines.
For example, she said her body responds well to snacking on almonds, pistachios and dried fruits, but others–male or female–can get more energy from eating carrots and popcorn.
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Food as foreplay
Dr. Beth Seelig, director of the Psychoanalytic Institute at Emory University, recommends couples should have fun with food and get to know each other’s individual tastes.
Even sitting across from your honey during dinner is a form of foreplay, she said. Making your lover a favorite dish is a bonus.
Jessica Frickey of Atlanta said she and her fiance have learned that food can help them avoid an argument.
“When we were vacationing in Europe some years ago, a light bulb went off,” said Frickey, a 26-year-old public relations executive. “We found ourselves always having the same arguments–around mealtimes.”
Now if she’s feeling a little testy, she grabs a snack such as cheese and crackers.
Gray also suggests starting the day with a lemon tonic–a combination of lemon juice, water, honey, aloe vera juice and trace amounts of minerals. On his Web site, he lists a recipe for the Mars Venus Supershake.
Of course, food needs change given the relationship temperature. Rackner said if she and her husband are having a conflict, she brings home some chocolate, his favorite treat.