On the eve of an election in which Illinois voters will pick a governor, members of Congress and a whole batch of other folks, there is but one “issue,” based on a sophisticated analysis of media content.
Is Sen. Barack Obama (D-Ill.) ready to be president or should we just all sit back and wait until Oprah and the media gaggle anoint him?
He says he will consider it after the Nov. 7 election. That’s news. Times have changed, because now he’s a media red hot, even earlier than Howard Dean was a media red hot the last time around.
Well … Dang!
I am miffed that the engaging Obama, with a new book in the market, has swept in to gobble up so much attention. We should really be following the governor’s race and other local stuff.
I just can’t.
The presidency is (thank you, Ambrose Bierce) “the greased pig in the field game of American politics.”
Watching its capture is about the most fun you can have in journalism.
I don’t know how I feel about presidential candidates who are blessed by the media long before they actually have to go slogging through the New Hampshire slush and the corny Americana of Iowa and, now, the hookers and gambling dens and sinful behaviors of Nevada and the blessings of South Carolina on their way to nailing down enough delegates to get a presidential nomination (this sentence as published has been corrected in this text).
I like to watch them slog.
I want to be in Nevada to ask the candidate this question, “Don’t you think there should be legal hookers all over the United States, just like in 11 counties here, and if your answer is `No,’ when did you stop thinking there should be legal hookers all over the United States?”
I want to be in Iowa so I can ask the candidate, “You know, those folks down in South America can grow corn so cheaply we could cut the price of a corn dog by two-thirds at least. So why should we still be growing corn here instead of outsourcing it like all the other jobs?”
I want to be in New Hampshire to ask the candidate this delicate question.
“Hardly anybody who lives here is actually from New Hampshire. They are mainly a load of exiles from Taxachusetts who don’t want to pay their fair share. Wouldn’t you rather really lose here because the place doesn’t represent anyone but itself? Don’t you find these chowder-slurping rustics a tad strange?”
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“And, I have a follow-up.
“Don’t you think all states should have liquor stores at the rest stops on the superhighways, just like here?”
All of these represent the important questions journalists often present during the presidential primaries. We love these foolish state contests because of the opportunities they present.
Pennsylvania, for example.
“So this state has a collection of folks who are pink-shaded liberals on either end and a bunch of Bible-thumping big-game hunters and cow farmers everywhere else, so don’t you think highly subsidized milk should actually be free to all the children of America and shouldn’t cows be banned everywhere but Florida and California, where production is more efficient?”
And down South?
“Well, here we are in South Carolina. I saw a man today with a confederate flag sticker on the window of his pickup truck and a bumper sticker that says, `If you like affirmative action, move to Taxachusetts with the rest of the Communists.’ Perhaps you will wreck your campaign here by saying something inflammatory, so here is your big chance! Are you for or against this sentiment?”
Or in California.
“A beefy Austrian as governor? Don’t you think all Austrians should just go home? Should there be a fence around California to keep all the Austrian actors out? Or should that just be for people from Mexico?”
Or in Florida.
“Yo, loveable, retired AARP-y, learn to vote yet?”
There’s so much great stuff ahead of us if only we allow the process to pick a candidate instead of the media. Maybe we could mix them together. Maybe we could just question the senator as though he were already president and see what he thinks about this election.
“Mr. Presidential Anointee Obama, Gov. Rod Blagojevich seems to be plagued by the same kind of corruption that afflicts just about all modern Illinois governors, and challenger Judy Baar Topinka has actually been in photographs [!] with convicted former Illinois Gov. George Ryan and plays accordion so wouldn’t it really be prudent for most of us to just move to Indiana? [But not the dingy parts!]”
“Shouldn’t we have liquor stores on the tollways too?”
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