Cyclist Floyd Landis is trying to prove he didn’t cheat, and he’s taking his case directly to the people.
Facing accusations that he took illegal performance-enhancing substances to win the Tour de France, Landis told USA Today that he plans to present his defense on his personal Web site this week.
But it’s a zoo out there on the Internet. RedEye imagines what could happen out there in the wacky world of the Web as Landis makes his case.
Landis: OK, everyone, welcome to my Web site, www.floydlandis.com. I’ll tell you in this PowerPoint presentation like I told USA Today, the World Anti-Doping Agency lab in France wrote down the wrong urine sample number on testing forms. They covered the incorrect number with correction fluid, and my rider number was written …
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Landis: What the … !? (Yells at Webmaster). I’m sorry, folks, just ignore that. Let’s get back to the case. Now my advisers didn’t do me any favors with those multiple excuses they gave after this story first broke, but I believe in giving second chances. I understand they’ve lined up a character witness.
Numa Numa Kid (right): Yes, thank you, Floyd. I’d just like to personally vouch for your workout regimen. I know you and I did arm lifts every …
Landis: Uh, thanks Numa … Who-ma … whoever you are. (Yells at adviser). There were, um, other cases where the WADA lab used incorrect numbers, including its own identification code. I just want everything out in the open.
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