Today, we hear again from Tricia. Tricia, you might remember, was dumped by Blaine.
Tricia recalls, “After a few months of invigorating conversation, indescribable chemistry and incessant intimate encounters,” Blaine decided to pursue a 20-year-old from Lithuania, who was visiting the States on a visa and could barely speak English.
Blaine acknowledged that Tricia was “the total package: attractive, fun to be with, professionally driven, passionate and cultured” — everything, in short, that he knew that he should want. But the Lithuanian woman got his heart pumping in ways Tricia did not.
Visas have a way of expiring, though, and Tricia and Blaine got back together. Sort of. Their relationship was far from ideal. . . .
“There were countless laughs, intimacy and chemistry, but they were just a series of moments. In between those moments, there were his incessant mood swings, canceled dates and anxiety attacks. To sum it up, excessive drama. I was beyond patient with it all, but the cost was outweighing the benefits.
“While I certainly wasn’t actively searching for a new love interest, I did know that this instability was not what I wanted in my life in the long run. So, after almost two years of riding this emotional roller coaster, I guess you could say I turned on my radar.”
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Well, a few months ago, Tricia’s radar detected a “tall, distinguished, confident and handsome professional,” who made her heart “sink to the ground.” She would run into him in business settings and make awkward small talk. She was sure he was unattainable:
“Then in early May, my fantasy came true. He finally noticed me. I mean really noticed me.”
For two weeks, Tricia, 26, and Adam, 37, were inseparable. They ate at the best restaurants, strolled in the park, talked for three hours at a time. They shared their goals for the future, both professional and personal:
“We talked about vacations we would take, moving in together, getting married, even having kids. There were times I actually pinched myself because I couldn’t believe it was real. Finally, a relationship with no games, no drama, no issues.
“I happily broke off my two-year gig with Blaine, whom I had taken to calling Mr. Instability, and concentrated my efforts on Adam, whom I thought of as Mr. Possibility.”
What’s the catch?
“The catch is this: In the midst of being swept off my feet, I ended up banging my head against a wall. Adam is divorced, and he’s apparently been hurt in the past. So, after this short period of bliss, he reeled himself in and put up what he called his wall. He became another Mr. Instability. He was unemotional. He made dates but didn’t keep them. I felt as if I was right back in the exact same relationship I wanted so desperately to get out of.”
Tricia thought she might be able to chisel down the wall in time, but that didn’t happen. It just got higher until the relationship fizzled out to an occasional phone call.
“I’m certain I’ll run into him at functions down the line, and we’ll go back to the same awkward exchanges we had months before.”
Tricia is left wondering what exactly happened: “He said he never lied about his feelings for me, he just wasn’t ready to move forward. But I wonder if he meant anything he said during our first two weeks of dating. Adam and Blaine both referred to this wall as a self-defense mechanism. I call it an excuse to avoid commitment and responsibility.”
Speaking of Blaine, when the first Mr. Instability saw that Tricia was moving on, he decided to become Mr. Responsibility: “He started to speak of having a future with me. But, talk is cheap and actions speak louder than someone who just wants some action right now.”
Tricia has a question she’d like you to respond to: “How do I tell the difference between a guy who has a wall and a guy who’s just not that into me?”
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How would you answer Tricia? What do you think happened to Adam? Send your reply, along with your relationship questions and problems, to [email protected] or Tales From the Front, 435 N. Michigan Ave., Chicago, IL 60611. Letters may be used in whole or in part and become the property of the column. Read Tales From the Front Monday, Wednesday and Friday in Tempo.