Well, you’re flattered. She likes you and had the courage to ask you out on a date. Too bad you’re not interested. The answer is “no.” So how can a guy reject a woman without feeling like a jerk?
Go the quick and easy route, said Hedda Muskat, author of “Dating Confidential” (Sourcebooks; $12.99) and a former producer/writer for “Love Connection.”
“You are much better off being bold and frank in the beginning,” Muskat said. “If you b.s. them, you risk hurting them in the long run.”
Avoid such lies as “I already have a girlfriend” or “I’m busy Friday night.” With the latter, a woman is likely to ask about other days that might work. Instead, Muskat recommends guys simply say, “I’m not available” and leave it at that.
“He shouldn’t say why,” Muskat said. “She’s not deserving of a reason why; they have no relationship.”
A guy might have a working relationship with the woman or live in the same apartment building. Either way, Muskat said a guy shouldn’t feel guilty every time he sees the woman he rejected. “If you have to bump into her in the hallway or the laundry room, let her run and hide, not you,” she said.
Most women can handle the rejection, as long as it’s quick and vague. So don’t agree to give a woman your cell phone number if you know the answer is no when she calls. “Never give out your cell phone number,” Muskat said. “You have to say, `I’m not comfortable.'”
Most women can take the hint, but others will stand with the cell phone in hand and demand the digits. Don’t worry about hurting feelings if a woman is pushy and won’t take no for an answer. “She’s being a stalker and that’s pretty disgusting,” Muskat said.
Guys trying to dodge stalkers should be polite but firm. If the woman continues to push, Muskat recommends being blunt. “He needs to say, `I don’t know what more I can tell you, I’ve been very nice to you, but you really need to back off.’ It’s OK to be a jerk back,” she said.