Ladies and gentlemen, brush off your dusty ol’ manners and listen in for the latest on that not-yet-lost social grace, the lifting of pen to say thank you for whatever gesture of kindness has come your way. With the holidays at high-tilt, you’ve plenty of opportunity to exercise the art. It’s so simple, after all: Lift pen, scribble thanks, stuff envelope, lick, stamp, send.
Or is it?
Hmm … Come to think of it, it is a skill fraught with stumbling points. Does e-mail suffice? How long is too long before sending? Does a fill-in-the-blank mailing do the trick?
Oh, yipes, there is much to ponder.
So, ever at your service, we rounded up a posse of polite people: Judith Martin, a.k.a. Miss Manners, and author of the freshly updated, “Miss Manners’ Guide to Excruciatingly Correct Behavior” (BBS Publishing Corp., 768 pages, $35); Peter Post, grandson of that grande dame of all things polite, Emily Post, and author of the new “Essential Manners for Couples” (Collins, 288 pages, $21.95); Nancy Klimley, Chicago socialite whose thank-you notes are legendary for promptness, penmanship and plain old prodigiousness; and Sue Lindstrom, founder of Paper Source, the emporium of fine papers and the place that cares plenty about putting thanks to, well, paper.
Here, then, is their collective wisdom on just how to say thank you in an ever thankless world.
1. PUT IT IN WRITING: While a survey on the Emily Post Institute Web site (emilypost.com) found that 70 percent of respondents felt an e-mail thank you was perfectly polite, the experts think otherwise. While all agree that any thank you is better than no thank you, snail mail beats phone call beats e-mail every time. (Note: Vote for your thank-you media preference at chicagotribune.com/thankyou.) If we’re talking hostess gift, and you gushed your thanks in person, you are off the hook, says Post; no more thank you required.
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2. BETTER LATE THAN, OOPS, NEVER: “If possible, mail it within 24 hours, and up to two to three days. Don’t go much beyond that,” Post says. “Every day you put it off, it’s a day less likely that it’ll get done.” He adds: “If it’s two months late, send the thank-you note anyway, and apologize.”
3. FEEL IT, SAY IT: While novelist James Michener, Klimley’s dinner partner one night, confided to her that he always wrote a first draft for every thank you (“He was going down in history,” she concedes), Klimley skips that and goes doggedly to the most essential matter: “Write from your heart.” Miss Manners abhors a new system making the rounds, one she calls, Go Thank Yourself (“You must promise never to pronounce it carelessly,” she begs). She explains that at certain gatherings where gifts are given, each guest is told to write his or her name and address on an envelope, which is later stuffed with what she calls the Generic Thank-You Letter. Bllleeeccckkk, she pretty much says.
4. SHORT AND SWEET, PLEASE: ” ‘Keep it short’ is the most important thing,” Post says, raising at least one listener’s eyebrows. “I say this because maybe it’s easier to approach. It simply doesn’t have to be a three-pager.”
5. MAKE IT EYE CANDY, IF YOU CAN: From the stamp on the outside, to the ink on the envelope, the thank you begins before you unloose the flap. Klimley, long a proponent of Crane papers engraved with her Tiffany monogram, admits to selecting a postage stamp that’s just right. Lindstrom, at Paper Source, suggests adorning the envelope with a great sticker, a seal, an embossed image. Line the envelope with the gift wrap from the gift you received. Stock up on great papers, so you have a stash always at the ready. Never know when you need to say, thank you, thank you, thank you.
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