Women need to learn to speak Martian if they want to get ahead in the workplace.
So says career coach Molly Dickinson Shepard, who argues that women, who are said to have come from Venus, need to learn the language of their Mars-based male counterparts.
Though women make up about half the American work force and hold about half the managerial positions, they earn just 73 percent of what men in the same jobs get–and hold only 5 percent of the country’s top-paying posts.
Just eight of the Fortune 500 companies have women CEOs, Shepard said in an interview. That’s not going to change until women start communicating more effectively.
“They must get in the game,” she said. “Otherwise, they won’t rise any further–and the statistics won’t change.”
Shepard, who just penned a book called “Stop Whining & Start Winning,” offers plenty of advice, starting with a suggestion that women take a “just-the-facts” approach.
Be assertive–not aggressive–in making arguments. Speak with confidence–without sounding cocky.
“If women communicate more effectively, they will be heard,” Shepard said.
“If a woman is not heard, she’s going to be seen as passive and be marginalized–and she’ll leave eventually,” Shepard explained. “It’s critical that women feel recognized and valued.”
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Make no mistake about it–men get more than their share of money and power in the American workplace, Shepard notes in the book she has co-written with Jane Stimmler, which Plume Paperbacks is publishing. (You can read excerpts online at www.startwinning.biz.)
By practicing what she preaches, Shepard has built two profitable businesses.
The first, Manchester Inc., had annual revenue of more than $30 million and was the world’s fourth-largest career development consulting firm when she sold it in 1997. The firm she currently heads, The Leader’s Edge, focuses on prepping women for senior management jobs.
Here are some of Shepard’s talking tips:
– Speak up in business meetings–and don’t wait too long to get in a decisive, briefly worded opinion.
– It’s still important to be a good listener if family and friends are on the other side of the conversation. But if you spend too much time listening in the workplace, men will think you are weak and passive.
– Stick to the big picture–and keep the details to yourself. Details are what make men think women “ramble.”
– State your point briefly and clearly–then stop talking. Silence gives others a chance to digest what you say, and respond intelligently.
– In meetings, don’t sit where the boss can’t see you. If the room is crowded, stand up so you can be heard.
– Assertive speech is good, aggressive is bad–and the difference between the two is subtle. Your tone, level of voice and attitude will make the difference.
– Don’t challenge your boss or group leader in public, don’t embarrass colleagues and don’t make personal attacks.
– These behaviors cross the line between assertive and aggressive–and they’ll hurt you.
– Never show anger at work. You won’t get your message across if you get shrill.
“Confrontation is the kiss of death,” Shepard said.
– A good way to keep your temper is to plan ahead. Before a presentation or meeting, think about possible points of disagreement, and formulate responses.
– Confident speech is good, cocky is bad. As with assertive and aggressive, there’s a fine line.
– Don’t brag. Instead, promote your accomplishments when it makes sense to do so.
– When you’re in charge and a decision is yours, don’t solicit everyone’s opinion.
– Women like to make everyone feel included–but men see this as passive and “unleaderlike.”
– Don’t allow yourself to feel wounded by words of criticism at work. Men really believe it when they say, “It’s just business, it’s not personal.” They rip into each other during meetings and then all go out for beers together.
It’s to women’s advantage to be just as thick-skinned, she said.