RedEye staffers Leo Ebersole, Phil Thompson and Chris Malcolm are just like every other collection of sports nuts–so enthralled by the hype of a shiny new football season that they’d watch a bunch of old rockers lip-sync their hits for an hour under the guise of a “pregame” show.
But that’s normal. What makes it sad is discussing it in a chat room.
Phil, 7:01 P.M.: Start me up! Rolling! Woo! Stones! Woo! NFL! Woo! … Hmmm, somehow I expected more.
Leo, 7:03: Keith Richards is still alive, repeat, still alive.
Chris, 7:05: Very excited about the surprise guest, Ozzy Osbourne. Figure they’re using the battery on the Patriots injury cart to jump-start his heart right about now.
Phil, 7:06: Yikes, Freddie Prinze Jr. is the host. And coming up, Mandy Moore has your halftime minute …
Leo, 7:07: Kanye West is performing with Maroon 5. This seems to have caught the attention of every teenage girl in the office. And, curiously, Phil’s.
Chris, 7:10: How many of these rock stars walk off the stage and then log on to set their fantasy rosters? Answer: only the geeky ones.
Phil, 7:13: Does anybody miss “Let’s Get It Started?” Anybody? Anybody?
Leo, 7:16: Fine question. Here’s another: Where’s the button on the TiVo that bypasses all this crap and gets us to kickoff?
Chris, 7:18: When it comes to sports, there is nothing better than highlights set to music with sound bites from the field. Nothing. OK, maybe vanilla fudge. But that’s it.
Phil, 7:20: I’d like to take this moment to remind everyone to keep hope alive!
Leo, 7:25: All right everyone, time for game predictions. I say Pats take a 20-7 halftime lead, followed by curious cloud formations near Randy Moss’ locker.
Chris, 7:29: I predict that four of the eight morons mugging for the ABC camera pass out before the third quarter. Bonus pick: These four will include Freddie Prinze Jr.
Phil, 7:33: I predict Randy Moss’ next crazy hairstyle will be the pompadour. French twist is my next guess.
Leo, 7:34: Pats coach Bill Belichick just docked Green Day $150,000 for swearing. That’s how you win titles.
Chris, 7:36: Just checked imdb.com. Did you know Freddie Prinze Jr. is the son of Freddie Prinze? Had no idea. He also shares a birthday with James Van Der Beek.
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Phil, 7:40: Santana performs “Smooth.” Not old at all. Next up, “Livin’ La Vida Loca.”
Chris, 7:42: I used to like this Santana song.
Leo, 7:43: Michelle Branch is singing on a floating football that has moved 30 yards down the field. And Al Davis has tendered her a six-year contract.
Chris, 7:44: Imagine being a sports writer at Gillette Stadium. A 9 p.m. kickoff? Hope they’re enjoying the show. And hey, Mr. Kraft? Sing “FREEBIRD”!
Phil, 7:48: Wait, Ozzy Osbourne is a singer? I thought he was a speech pathologist.
Leo, 7:50: The Patriots take the field running out from underneath Ozzy’s stage, which I have to imagine is 20 times more dangerous than returning a punt and maybe twice as dangerous as putting up with Freddie Prinze Jr. for this long.
Chris, 7:50: Please, please, please tell me Ozzy just keeps singing in that huge helmet for the entire game.
Phil, 7:55: You just know that in a living room somewhere, some Patriots fan will hear this question from his loved one: “That’s Tom Brady? Why didn’t you tell me he was hot?” That question will come from Mr. Freddie Prinze Jr. … Enjoy the game, clowns.
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Edited by the sports staff of RedEye.