This morning, some of you are probably experiencing a post-Lollapalooza coma, trying desperately to stay awake on the Red Line because you rocked out too hard at Death Cab for Cutie.
Not me. I spent the weekend shopping with my mom, going to the dinosaur exhibit at the Field Museum, and humming along to my new Kelly Clarkson CD in preparation for her Aug. 13 concert at Northerly Island, which I will be attending with my 13-year-old cousin.
The thought of going to Lollapalooza was absolutely repellant to me, a self-professed lover of bad music. Think Celine Dion or Vanessa Carlton, which are among the approximately 80 CDs that I own.
I understand that Lollapalooza is cool because it shuns my dear Kelly Clarkson’s bubblegum pop music in favor of edgy rockers. (Although, music connoisseur friends have told me that Palooza is not as cool as the previous weekend’s Intonation Music Festival for indie lovers, which shuns what they perceive as Lollapalooza’s bubblegum pop rock.)
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I strive to be cool. I see indie movies sometimes, I try to know what’s going on in fashion, I go on wine tastings, I read popular books.
I’ve just never gotten serious about music.
I’m intimidated by hard-core music fans. They know everything there is to know about all these obscure bands, and they can be downright mean to people who aren’t up to speed. Many don’t even like Madonna.
She’s the Material Girl, for God’s sake! I listen to “The Immaculate Collection” when I’m getting dressed for a night out.
Still, as much as I love Madge–or Esther, or whatever she calls herself these days–I also don’t want to live the rest of my life as a musical dolt, with only the likes of John Mayer and the Dixie Chicks in my CD collection.
It’s somewhat embarrassing when I have to pretend that I’ve listened to Radiohead’s “OK Computer” in conversations with true music aficionados.
So I am appealing to all of you to help me become more musically savvy. I’m hoping that you will e-mail me the names of some artists I should be familiar with so that I will no longer shame myself among the more musically inclined.
Before you send your suggestions, though, keep the following things in mind:
– My music sensibilities are best illustrated by a scene from “Crossroads” in which Britney Spears bounces around her bedroom in her underwear singing Madonna’s “Open Your Heart to Me.” (Yes, I have done that.) So, if you’re recommending something extremely experimental, maybe suggest a few albums that could ease me into it.
– That said, I do have a few musical interests outside of pop that could point me in the right direction. I own several Ani DiFranco CDs, and I have been to see her in concert. Angry chicks will go over well with me. I also took a class on The Beatles in college, and I am really into them.
– My favorite band is Counting Crows. I don’t like bands like Creed. They all sound as though they are desperately trying to channel Nirvana, and they’re not.
– In general, I dislike any music that features women as “ho’s.”
– I had a phase in the late ’90s when I was really into country music. I love a singer with a nice twang.
That should help us get started. I’ll just be listening to my “Coyote Ugly” soundtrack until I hear from you.
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You can save Maegan’s CD case
Maegan doesn’t want to be an embarrassing pop music lover anymore. What could you add to her pathetic CD collection, which includes:
– Britney Spears, “Greatest Hits”
– Faith Hill, “It Matters To Me”
– Justin Timberlake, “Justified”
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– “Rent” soundtrack
– Shakira, “Laundry Service
– Wilson Phillips, “Wilson Phillips”