Whizzer’s vacation continues as guest pet reader Sally the dog fills in.
Guest pets appear all week, including a surprise RedEye contributor on Thursday.
JIMMY GREENFIELD
TOPIC 1: Tell us one thing you did on Memorial Day.
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To honor the fallen, I laid a wreath at Wrigley Field.
TOPIC 2: Being a Cubs pitcher’s throwing arm is like …
… being a Cheeto at the bottom of the bag.
TOPIC 3: How did you greet Frank Thomas’ return to the Sox?
I released a flock of white doves at U.S. Cellular Field.
TOPIC 4: How did you send LaTroy Hawkins off from the Cubs?
I released a flock of white doves at Wrigley Field.
TOPIC 5: Did you win your friendly Indy 500 office pool?
I didn’t have time to participate, what with baiting and trapping all those white doves.
PHIL THOMPSON
TOPIC 1: Tell us one thing you did on Memorial Day.
I came to work. But that didn’t stop me from barbecuing on Jimmy’s desk.
TOPIC 2: Being a Cubs pitcher’s throwing arm is like …
… being a wicker chair on the set of “Fat Actress.”
TOPIC 3: How did you greet Frank Thomas’ return to the Sox?
As part of the media, I refused to talk to myself.
TOPIC 4: How did you send LaTroy Hawkins off from the Cubs?
With LaSwift Kick-in-the-pants.
TOPIC 5: Did you win your friendly Indy 500 office pool?
I bet Bag Boy that Leo’s mascara would run more than Danica Patrick’s after her finish. Easy win.
LEO EBERSOLE
TOPIC 1: Tell us one thing you did on Memorial Day.
I agreed to coach the Cleveland Cavaliers. Unfortunately, I wasn’t offered the position.
TOPIC 2: Being a Cubs pitcher’s throwing arm is like …
… being anything in Star Jones Reynolds’ refrigerator.
TOPIC 3: How did you greet Frank Thomas’ return to the Sox?
Look, I’m not talking to the media right now.
TOPIC 4: How did you send LaTroy Hawkins off from the Cubs?
I spelled out “Don’t call us, we’ll call you” with the home-runs balls he’s allowed the past two years.
TOPIC 5: Did you win your friendly Indy 500 office pool?
No. Helio Castroneves, you have failed me for the last time.
SALLY THE DOG
TOPIC 1: Tell us one thing you did on Memorial Day.
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I ate outdoors … mostly the flowers my owner planted on Saturday.
TOPIC 2: Being a Cubs pitcher’s throwing arm is like …
… going to the vet for shots.
TOPIC 3: How did you greet Frank Thomas’ return to the Sox?
Major tail-wagging. He must be running faster than Paul Konerko.
TOPIC 4: How did you send LaTroy Hawkins off from the Cubs?
More tail-wagging–but I’ll miss the ninth-inning drama.
TOPIC 5: Did you win your friendly Indy 500 office pool?
No. Whizzer sold me his pick when he got stuck with the girl.
BAG BOY
TOPIC 1: Tell us one thing you did on Memorial Day.
Played Wiffleball with the neighborhood kids and went 0-for-7.
TOPIC 2: Being a Cubs pitcher’s throwing arm is like …
… being one of Sally’s chew toys. Look at the face of that killer.
TOPIC 3: How did you greet Frank Thomas’ return to the Sox?
Very, very quietly. Don’t mess with a good thing.
TOPIC 4: How did you send LaTroy Hawkins off from the Cubs?
I couldn’t make the farewell. I had a bad case of the runs.
TOPIC 5: Did you win your friendly Indy 500 office pool?
No, Whizzer sold me his pick when … wait a minute. That gutless punk.