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player ready...You know, I am so sick of being typecast.
People don’t know. There is a real person in here with real feelings behind this bag. He loves, he loses. He goes to games, his team loses.
So I’ve decided it’s time to branch out.
I have decided to try my hand at writing a sex column.
Actually, given my limited experience in that area, let’s call it a “relationship column.”
This is really for all you lovely ladies out there.
That sentence right there should tell you how lame I am. Yet, we proceed.
First off, for those involved with a Sox fan: I’m sorry. Your husband/boyfriend is a tortured soul. He puts 48 percent of his time and energy aching for a win. The problem is, he spends another 48 percent of his energy rooting for a Cubs loss. This leaves 4 percent for you.
Take out the “Seinfeld” reruns, time spent at a possible real job, and personal hygiene, and you’ve got 2 percent.
Not much, but it’s up to you to make it matter. Try a soothing backrub after a tough loss. Offer simple analysis. Say
things like “Ozzie really knows what he’s doing.” It won’t matter if it’s true. It’s the thought that counts. Use the off-season
to discuss important things, such as your children.
Now, you Cub fans. Interesting dynamic here because I know many Cubs fans that are women. Equally as interesting, they know just as little or as much about the game as the men. Chances are, you met in or around Wrigley Field.
This really makes things easy because there are no “tough losses” in your world. You simply order another beverage and toast how good your yuppie life is. Enjoy.
The Blackhawks relationships are a sad story. Remember the great couples who could be seen each wearing their favorite players’ jersey? Well, they’re gone like the Jedi knights. End of saga.
Bears fans? Wow. Your man has put his faith into a mediocre organization and until death do you part–or another Super Bowl win–you are in what’s known as “Hell.” Take solace in the idea that it’s all out of your hands. And consider putting a bag over your pretty heads.
It works for me.
———-
BAG BOY VENTS HIS SPLEEN EVERY FRIDAY IN REDEYE.
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