To answer one of the most-asked questions, “The evil computer is not available for parties.” Want to join our panel? E-mail [email protected].
PHIL THOMPSON
TOPIC 1: IN THE CASE OF THE BULLS, WHY IS THE HOME COURT SUCH A BIG DEAL?
The Bulls are young, and it takes a lot of permission slips to go on the road.
TOPIC 2: WILL BASEBALL PLAYERS AGREE TO A 50-GAME SUSPENSION FOR FIRST-TIME STEROID OFFENDERS?
Fifty games seems a bit much. That could turn every lineup into the Cubs.
TOPIC 3: WHAT WAS THE HIGHLIGHT FROM THIS WEEKEND’S MINI-CAMP FOR BEARS ROOKIES?
Every night, Lovie Smith tucks in three little rookies and reads them a story. He’s loving that way.
TOPIC 4: MITCH ALBOM APOLOGIZED FOR HIS COLUMN MISTAKE AGAIN. WHAT DO YOU APOLOGIZE FOR?
I apologize for giving our fans the impression that Leo is an easy mark (hint, hint, fans).
TOPIC 5: WHERE SHOULD PHIL JACKSON COACH NEXT?
He should join the production of “Oklahoma!” so he can be a stage coach. … Is it hot in here?
LEO EBERSOLE
TOPIC 1: IN THE CASE OF THE BULLS, WHY IS THE HOME COURT SUCH A BIG DEAL?
It’s no secret Bennie the Bull is keeper of the team’s mojo.
TOPIC 2: WILL BASEBALL PLAYERS AGREE TO A 50-GAME SUSPENSION FOR FIRST-TIME STEROID OFFENDERS?
Not a chance. They’d sooner agree to bring back stirrups.
TOPIC 3: WHAT WAS THE HIGHLIGHT FROM THIS WEEKEND’S MINI-CAMP FOR BEARS ROOKIES?
Kyle Orton talking about how low he was drafted. To that I say: 10/30/04–NU 13, Purdue 10.
TOPIC 4: MITCH ALBOM APOLOGIZED FOR HIS COLUMN MISTAKE AGAIN. WHAT DO YOU APOLOGIZE FOR?
I have no regrets. OK, I have a lot of regrets, but these things will get worked out in therapy.
TOPIC 5: WHERE SHOULD PHIL JACKSON COACH NEXT?
Oh just go back and coach the Lakers. We need the drama.
WHIZZER
TOPIC 1: IN THE CASE OF THE BULLS, WHY IS THE HOME COURT SUCH A BIG DEAL?
Because in space, no one can hear you scream. Sorry, just got “Alien” on DVD.
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TOPIC 2: WILL BASEBALL PLAYERS AGREE TO A 50-GAME SUSPENSION FOR FIRST-TIME STEROID OFFENDERS?
Yes, right after they all agree to play one season for free.
TOPIC 3: WHAT WAS THE HIGHLIGHT FROM THIS WEEKEND’S MINI-CAMP FOR BEARS ROOKIES?
Cedric Benson got No. 32 without kicking a door down.
TOPIC 4: MITCH ALBOM APOLOGIZED FOR HIS COLUMN MISTAKE AGAIN. WHAT DO YOU APOLOGIZE FOR?
Don’t hate me, OK? I introduced Tom Cruise to Katie Holmes.
TOPIC 5: WHERE SHOULD PHIL JACKSON COACH NEXT?
Jeannie Buss’ place. Wait, couch or coach?
EVIL SUPERCOMPUTER
TOPIC 1: IN THE CASE OF THE BULLS, WHY IS THE HOME COURT SUCH A BIG DEAL?
These questions bore me. Prepare to be dominated by artificial intelligence!
TOPIC 2: WILL BASEBALL PLAYERS AGREE TO A 50-GAME SUSPENSION FOR FIRST-TIME STEROID OFFENDERS?
Seriously, I’m about to take over the world here. Show some fear.
TOPIC 3: WHAT WAS THE HIGHLIGHT FROM THIS WEEKEND’S MINI-CAMP FOR BEARS ROOKIES?
ALL HAIL ME OR FEEL MY WRATH!
TOPIC 4: MITCH ALBOM APOLOGIZED FOR HIS COLUMN MISTAKE AGAIN. WHAT DO YOU APOLOGIZE FOR?
I apologize for Phil’s neckties. Now bow down to your electrical lord!
TOPIC 5: WHERE SHOULD PHIL JACKSON COACH NEXT?
Ah screw it. I’ll play along. I say “Cavs.”
BAG BOY
TOPIC 1: IN THE CASE OF THE BULLS, WHY IS THE HOME COURT SUCH A BIG DEAL?
Quite simply, the United Center is haunted.
TOPIC 2: WILL BASEBALL PLAYERS AGREE TO A 50-GAME SUSPENSION FOR FIRST-TIME STEROID OFFENDERS?
It’s a trial balloon that will be deflated like a Sox fan’s hopes in late August.
TOPIC 3: WHAT WAS THE HIGHLIGHT FROM THIS WEEKEND’S MINI-CAMP FOR BEARS ROOKIES?
No. David. Terrell.
TOPIC 4: MITCH ALBOM APOLOGIZED FOR HIS COLUMN MISTAKE AGAIN. WHAT DO YOU APOLOGIZE FOR?
I used to hang out with Pat O’Brien. There. I said it.
TOPIC 5: WHERE SHOULD PHIL JACKSON COACH NEXT?
Knicks AND Lakers simultaneously. Yes, he’s that good.