It’s hard to take this.
No matter how much our teams try to put the best players on the field, no matter how well-coached they are, there is one thing in this town that will always–always–come back to haunt us.
Injuries.
Nomar Garciaparra is the injury du jour. I swear he’s snakebitten. Torn left groin. Now comes word that he could miss two to three months.
I’m not sure how one tears a groin standing in the batter’s box, but it must take special tools. Maybe try stretching?
By the way, the guy was only hitting a buck fifty when he went down, so you know, he is replaceable. From Nomar to Neifi, coming soon to an infield near you.
But hey, when you’re given lemons you make lemonade, right? So I’m starting a scouting service that measures how snakebit a player is. Take Mr. Garciaparra. He had wrist surgery in 2001, missed two months last year with an Achilles problem. This gives him a snakebite factor of 8, with 1 being a garter snake and 10 an Anaconda.
Don’t ask me about the math formula, I’m making this up as I go along. And let’s just say Frank Thomas would have a factor of 9, and Marc Colombo would run at about a 15, which means the only way he can escape injury is by floating in space.
Anyway, I sell my findings to scouts, they see who’s snakebitten, and I’m a gazillionaire.
You know where else I see some snakebites? Your playoff-bound Bulls.
Sorry, it’s one round and out for these babies. Tyson Chandler … ankle injury. Luol Deng and Eddy Curry … out for the season.
Hey, don’t get me wrong. I like Jared Reiner, though I’ve never heard of him. I like Jannero Pargo, especially when it’s served tapas-style. I don’t even mind Lawrence Funderburke.
But this is a patchwork playoff team folks, held together with spit and glue.
Quick note to Funderburke: You should have been an NFL fullback, and you should have changed your name to “Thunderburke.” That, my friends, is marketing. Sorry, I get distracted around draft time.
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Look, at this point, I don’t care who the Bears pick Saturday. It won’t matter, people. Whoever it is holds out for six weeks, comes into camp out of shape, twists a knee, tears a groin, breaks a wrist, bumps his head, pokes his eye, chips a tooth, gets bit by whatever, and you know the rest.
Think I’m just being negative? See Rex Grossman’s career for further reference.
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–BAG BOY VENTS HIS SPLEEN EVERY FRIDAY IN REDEYE.
Edited by the sports staff of RedEye.