You don’t have a lot of time and, frankly, neither do we. So let’s get right to our panel of RedEye sports experts and let them speak for themselves:
JIMMY GREENFIELD:
TOPIC 1: Give DePaul A.D. Jean Lenti Ponsetto advice for her coaching search.
You want successful, esteemed and ethical. Two words: John Wooden.
TOPIC 2: Who would come in last in the Five on Five Marathon?
Bag Boy. The windburn really wreaks havoc on his bag.
TOPIC 3: Who has better hair: Mel Kiper Jr. or Steve Lavin?
Ooh, toughie. I’ll go with Rick Majerus.
TOPIC 4: What should the White Sox’s theme song be?
Rolling Stones’ “Ain’t Too Proud To Beg.”
TOPIC 5: Catherine Ndereba is Catherine the Great. What is Hailu Negussie’s nickname?
Hailu the Chief.
PHIL THOMPSON:
TOPIC 1: Give DePaul A.D. Jean Lenti Ponsetto advice for her coaching search.
For starters, don’t make them say your full name.
TOPIC 2: Who would come in last in the Five on Five Marathon?
I’m not sure, I just know Jimmy gets the least wind resistance.
TOPIC 3: Who has better hair: Mel Kiper Jr. or Steve Lavin?
Kiper’s hair is legendary. And a little-known U.S. oil reserve.
TOPIC 4: What should the White Sox’s theme song be?
“Number One Spot” by Ludacris. Play it now while it still applies.
TOPIC 5: Catherine Ndereba is Catherine the Great. What is Hailu Negussie’s nickname?
Halle Berry?
LEO EBERSOLE:
TOPIC 1: Give DePaul A.D. Jean Lenti Ponsetto advice for her coaching search.
Think big. And yes, that’s an endorsement for Rick Majerus.
TOPIC 2: Who would come in last in the Five on Five Marathon?
Bag Boy gets off to a fast start but runs out of gas trying to heckle the Kenyans.
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TOPIC 3: Who has better hair: Mel Kiper Jr. or Steve Lavin?
Lavin’s hair can stop bullets. That’s good enough for me.
TOPIC 4: What should the White Sox’s theme song be?
“Alive” by Pearl Jam.
TOPIC 5: Catherine Ndereba is Catherine the Great. What is Hailu Negussie’s nickname?
The Gussinator.
WHIZZER:
TOPIC 1: Give DePaul A.D. Jean Lenti Ponsetto advice for her coaching search.
Conduct all your interviews at Demon Dogs.
TOPIC 2: Who would come in last in the Five on Five Marathon?
Oh, Jimmy for sure. He runs like a deer after it’s been hit by a Chevy.
TOPIC 3: Who has better hair: Mel Kiper Jr. or Steve Lavin?
Well, I’ve partied with Kiper’s hair. That ‘do has a way with the ladies.
TOPIC 4: What should the White Sox’s theme song be?
“Na Na Hey Hey (Kiss him goodbye).” What else?
TOPIC 5: Catherine Ndereba is Catherine the Great. What is Hailu Negussie’s nickname?
Oddly enough, it’s also Catherine the Great.
BAG BOY:
TOPIC 1: Give DePaul A.D. Jean Lenti Ponsetto advice for her coaching search.
Try somebody willing to desert his current school. Call Dave Leitao.
TOPIC 2: Who would come in last in the Five on Five Marathon?
Probably Leo. Only because he doesn’t own shoes.
TOPIC 3: Who has better hair: Mel Kiper Jr. or Steve Lavin?
Kiper, because sources tell me Lavin is renting Pat Riley’s hair.
TOPIC 4: What should the White Sox’s theme song be?
The theme from “Shaft.”
TOPIC 5: Catherine Ndereba is Catherine the Great. What is Hailu Negussie’s nickname?
Billy