The first thing Nancy Brettman wants to know as you settle into a chair in her cozy southwest suburban home is what in the heck you’re doing there.
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It’s not that she’s inhospitable. This diminutive, energetic woman, in fact, treats you like an old buddy from the moment she shakes your hand.
It’s just that she wonders what all the fuss is about.
“We’re boring,” she insists, referring to herself and sons Jay and Tony, the latter a senior defensive specialist on Brother Rice’s powerhouse boys volleyball team.
If your idea of excitement is the Indianapolis 500 or Dee Brown, she might have a point. But there’s something awfully compelling about a woman who adopts two kids, one with disabilities, and raises them as a single mom; and there’s something equally compelling about the bond that developed between the boys.
“There’s something real special there,” Brother Rice coach Brother Paul Ickes says of Tony and Jay, who are not biological brothers. “You can tell there is a devotion.
“It’s a tremendous family.”
That family started in early 1987, when Nancy, who hadn’t met “Mr. Right” but adored children, took in 3-month-old Tony as a foster child with the hope of adopting him. She had the same intention regarding Jay, who arrived as a foster child 10 months later, when he was 5 months old.
Nancy, then and now a nurse with Little Company of Mary Hospital in Evergreen Park, adopted Tony in 1990. In October 1991, a car struck Nancy and both boys as she was riding her bicycle and pulling Tony and Jay behind her on a cart.
Nancy and Tony had superficial injuries, but Jay suffered a brain injury that left him with permanent disabilities, including impaired speech and walking.
The accident took place just as Nancy was about to finalize adoption proceedings for Jay. After that, she said, officials were reluctant to let the adoption go through, believing he might be better off in state care.
She didn’t exactly agree, and the adoption went through in 1994.
“Do you give him back? It’s your kid,” she says, her voice still filled with incredulity. “If something happens you still keep him.
“He’s still your child.”
Tony began to play soccer and volleyball in grammar school and has competed in both for four years at Brother Rice. Ickes raves about his leadership and work ethic.
“A defensive specialist is the kind of person who can’t be afraid to leave some skin on the floor, and Tony fits the bill,” Ickes says.
Despite the demands of her roles as nurse and mother, Nancy Brettman has attended every one of Tony’s athletic events, always with Jay and often with Reiner, the specially trained golden retriever who can open doors for Jay and help him get his balance.
Nancy even mans the Brother Rice concession stand during lower-level volleyball matches when an extra hand is needed.
“She’s an amazing lady in many respects,” Ickes says. “I think she’s a real example of what a saint is, an ordinary person that through faith does extra things for others.”
Ickes learned from Tony that Jay is an aspiring wheelchair basketball player, but that he needed a special, lightweight chair to play the sport beyond a basic level. Ickes proposed that proceeds from the Chicago Catholic League volleyball coaches’ annual T-shirt fundraiser last season go toward a wheelchair for Jay.
The coaches presented the Brettmans with $3,000, and Jay recently got a red wheelchair built for speed.
“It’s more than just the money,” says Nancy, a 1971 Mother McAuley graduate. “It’s how nice people are.”
Jay, who attends a school for students with special needs, also participates in Special Olympics sports. He and Tony won a state title in a bocce event pairing a Special Olympics performer with a non-Special Olympics athlete.
The two are almost inseparable, and Tony credits his success as an athlete and student in part to his brother, who battles through therapy, school and sports with grit and a sense of humor.
“I put more effort into everything I do because I see him try so hard,” says Tony, who has written “Jay” on both of his bright orange volleyball shoes and has dedicated the season to his brother. “I relate to that with sports and schoolwork.”
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Tony will attend Loyola University, where he hopes to play soccer and perhaps volleyball. He wants to become a doctor specializing in emergency medicine.
“It’s like sports. It’s an adrenaline rush,” he says. “You have to be good.”
Ickes sees Tony’s choice of careers as a logical extension of his consideration for others and sense of fair play. Tony credits his mother for all of this.
“She has always been there for us, and I feel obligated to give back because I have learned so much from her,” he says. “She’s an inspiration, someone I aspire to be like when I grow up.”
His mother is not convinced. As you rise to leave, she asks:
“I still don’t think we’re anything special, do you?”
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