The Cubs are officially out of excuses.
They have to win the World Series.
This year.
Period.
Anything less than a championship must be classified as failure.
Last year, when the Cubs came up short for the 96th season in a row, they blamed their misfortunes on an assortment of problems–bitchy broadcasters, sulking sluggers, a blaring boombox, flighty relief pitchers, incompetent trainers, grumpy umpires. You name it and the ultra-sensitive 2004 Cubs were bothered by it.
Then, like magic, in the course of an offseason, they made those problems go away.
So, you think the broadcasters are too critical, boys? OK, then. See ya later, Steve Stone.
Your superstar’s clubhouse collection of salsa CDs doesn’t sound so good when he’s hitting .253? Welcome to your new house, Sammy Sosa–it’s in Baltimore. And on your way out of town, drop Moises Alou at the airport.
Can’t figure out the kid pitcher with the million-dollar arm and a buck-fifty attention span? Nice knowing you, Kyle Farnsworth. You’re Detroit’s problem child now.
So, the trainers can’t keep your stud pitchers healthy? No problem. The trainers are fired. (The pitchers still aren’t healthy, by the way, and one of those trainers is taking the team to court.)
Don’t like the umpires? Well, unfortunately they’re still around, and based on Carlos Zambrano’s antics in Monday’s opener, they probably won’t like the Cubs any more than they did last year. Zambrano was tossed out of the game for dissing the home plate umpire; last year, 13 Cubs got the heave-ho for similar indiscretions. Maybe Cubs personnel wizard Jim Hendry can trade the umpires. Don’t laugh–no one thought he’d be able to trade Sosa either.
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Thanks in part to the fact that they’re still on the hook for almost $16 million of Sosa’s contract, this year’s Cubs team has a payroll above $100 million. That’s very, very un-Cub-like. Who do they think they are, the Yankees? Maybe so. This year they removed the players’ names from the backs of the home jerseys–just like the Yankees and the Red Sox.
Everywhere you look, traditions are being trashed, usually in favor of new “revenue streams”–more night games, concerts on a couple of off-days, new high-priced seats along the field, a proposed bleacher expansion and center-field restaurant, new upscale food service, “premium” ticket pricing … even the rooftop owners have to ante up a cut of their take now.
In the meantime, the ballpark still needs protective netting to ensure that pieces of the upper deck don’t fall on the paying customers. Shouldn’t fixing that potentially dangerous situation be a bigger priority than adding more seats or spicing up the menu at the Stadium Club? Sure, the crab cakes with jicama will be yummy, but nothing ruins a good meal like getting clunked in the head by a chunk of cement.
The park is safe, Cubs representatives say, and all these changes to the beloved brick-and-ivy cathedral will be done “tastefully.” Based on past renovations, there’s no reason to doubt them. But let’s be honest: These “tasteful” improvements are motivated by the bottom line.
The Cubs–owned by the Tribune Co., just like this newspaper–want the same advantages their competitors have when it comes to generating cash flow, and they can’t be faulted for that. But that also means they’re now expected to do what their competitors do, which is win a World Series at least once a century.
The pressure is on, and this time the Cubs have only themselves to blame.
Having a winning record won’t be enough this year. Making the playoffs won’t be enough this year. Making it to the World Series won’t even be enough this year.
Win it all. That’s what the big boys do.
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