Germ theory has its proponents, like germs. And its opponents, like the rest of us. Their team, obviously, is winning.
Germs are stupid, the young and afflicted complain. And yet, germs show surprising intelligence. Start with the obvious: Germs are invisible. This gives them tremendous advantage over those of us who aren’t. Imagine how low a germ must have to stoop to render itself imperceptible. And consider how big we are in comparison. Humans make easy marks.
Germs never work alone. They team up, plan, strategize. Germs, we hear, lead a complex social life. Ours is confined to bathrobe, bunny slippers and a daily phone call to the school nurse.
Science has recently confirmed the smart-germ theory, proving the germ even more conniving than we had already suspected. Pharmacists are always tinkering with potions thought to be both tasty and lethal to the ordinary microbe. Just when they hit on an antibiotic recipe that seems irresistible, the bacteria turns up its tiny nose. Resistant. Cunning. Even, medical journals have it, opportunistic.
And so we are left with our standard array of remedies. Vile cough drops that do little to scare germs, but much to stun taste buds. Sticky syrups straight from the dosing spoon, effective at curing mental clarity. Tissues. Daytime television. Whining.
And soup. Which is the only effective over-the-counter relief. We are familiar with the germ-chasing-agent-in-chicken-soup theory. And the hot-peppers-sweat-out-demons postulate. And the garlic-fumes-make-germs-weak-kneed supposition. Each of which seems at least as plausible as the idea of microscopic evil-doers cruising the airwaves, alert to health-code infractions like forgoing that ugly knit hat or disdaining orange juice or making do with only 4 daily doses of vegetable.
But we suspect soup harbors another curative trait. It’s hot. Forcing the germ-warfare combatant to linger at length over its steamy powers. If germs jet through the air, perhaps germ terminators travel by miniature heat-propelled steamship. Consider the evidence: No one gets the sniffles basking on the scorching beaches of the Caribbean.
RED HOT PEPPER CURE
Serves eight
1 head garlic
2 tablespoons olive oil
1 onion, chopped
4 bell peppers, any colors you like, seeded and chopped
2 jalapeno peppers, seeded and finely chopped
3 tablespoons grated gingerroot
8 cups chicken broth
2 cups cooked shredded chicken, optional
1 bunch cilantro, chopped
Salt and pepper
Juice of 1 lemon
More Top Picks Basketball Hoops
1. Roast: Separate cloves of unpeeled garlic onto a baking sheet. Roast in a 350-degree oven until soft, about 15 minutes. Cool, squeeze the cloves out of their peels into a small bowl and mash with the back of a spoon.
2. Soften: Heat the oil in a large soup pot. Add the onion and cook over low heat until tender, about 10 minutes. Add the peppers, garlic and ginger and cook 1 minute.
3. Simmer: Add the chicken stock, increase heat to medium-high and simmer for 3 minutes. Add chicken, if using, and cilantro and cook 1 minute more. Season with salt and pepper. Stir in lemon juice and serve hot.
-Adapted from a much-consulted clipping from The New York Times
RED HOT KOREAN CURE
Serves one or two
4 cups water
2 tablespoons kochujang (red hot chili paste)*
1 tablespoon red miso (fermented soybean paste)*
1/8 teaspoon ground red pepper
1/4 cup each: shredded cabbage, shredded napa cabbage, shredded carrots, shredded zucchini, thinly sliced onion
1 handful mung bean sprouts
4 ounces medium-firm tofu, cut into 6 chunks
6 Korean rice cake slices (not puffed rice cakes), optional*
4 ounces medium-thick Asian wheat noodles, such as udon
1. Boil: Bring the water to a boil in a medium saucepan. Whisk in the chili paste, miso and red pepper. Add all the other ingredients. Return to an energetic boil and cook until noodles are tender, about 7 minutes.
2. Serve: Transfer to an enormous bowl and serve scalding hot.
*Available at Chicago Food, 3333 N. Kimball, and other Korean grocers.
–Adapted from the delightful and healthful Jim’s Grill, Chicago