With apologies to Andy Rooney:
What’s so special about granite countertops and maple cabinets if everyone under the sun is offering them in their new homes?
Why do city builders include the unheated garage space as part of the square footage of a townhouse?
Why do other builders, in the city and suburbs, include a condo’s balcony or patio in its square footage?
What does “luxury” mean when it precedes every house, townhouse or condo on the market? What does it take for something to not be “luxury”? No toilet?
Are “executive” homes only for executives?
What does this phrase mean: “People are installing two dishwashers these days.” It means some more affluent people are putting in two dishwashers and the people who are selling dishwashers and designing kitchens want you to be among them.
Why do marketers call places where you don’t have to shovel snow or mow the grass “maintenance-free”? Does the staff also clean the windows and the gutters and repair a leaky roof? If your fridge goes out, do you call the homeowners association president?
“Heavily wooded.” Do two weeping willows and a yew make it so?
Do you really want to live in a building where half the owners are investors and don’t live there?
“Award-winning schools.” Have you thought to ask exactly what awards the school has won, and when?
What does “overlooks the lake” mean?
I forgot to ask
What questions are buyers not asking themselves that they should be?
Where will we put the litter box? (And because you’re asking yourself that question, here’s another: Are a lot of new city condos short on closet space?)
Can you make Fluffy’s necessary room the closet with the furnace, A/C and hot water tank? (A possible built-in air polluter.) Can you squeeze it in front of the in-unit washer/dryer — if you leave the closet door open? Or, will you put it in the tub in the second bathroom? Ah, but what happens when guests arrive?
Speaking of tubs, before you buy that house with a fancy whirlpool, find out where the plumbing for it is. If things get plugged up, will you have to bust out a wall to make repairs?
More Top Picks Why People With Adhd Struggle With Mornings
How long does it take to get an elevator? Don’t rely on the timing at 2 p.m. on a workday. Go back to the prospective building on a Saturday around noon. Will you run out of things to ask your agent before the elevator arrives?
Especially fond of clean air? If you’re condo shopping, try to take a tour after dinnertime. If you step off the elevator and the hallway smells strongly of cigarette smoke, is it possible your prospective apartment might also?
Who will accept your packages when you’re not at home? Not everyone can afford a building with a doorman. But those of us who are spending a lot of money to buy condos in buildings without on-site staff — be they doormen, superintendents or janitors — should consider what will happen to express delivery packages, parcel post or other items that require signatures. Same goes for newspaper delivery. Will everything land on the vestibule floor? Will the building entry door or mailboxes be plastered with attempted-delivery notices?
Isn’t it amazing what $500,000 will not buy?
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Wayne Faulkner is editor of Real Estate. You can contact him at [email protected] or write to him at baiduhai, 435 N. Michigan Ave., Chicago, IL 60611.