Have you ever had your house broken into? I have. The shattered kitchen window spit glass fragments inside and on the porch. Every drawer in the house was yanked out, the contents splayed across the floor. All the doors were swung open, presumably to hustle out the loot and make for a speedy escape. In the end, a couple thousand dollars’ worth of my family’s belongings were missing, along with my sense of security.
Oddly enough, a sandwich bag of ground sage also was gone. My family surmised that the burglars mistook the sage for a narcotic, and that they’d try to sell it along with other possessions they appropriated.
Now two self-proclaimed “retired burglars” are acting out crimes for “It Takes a Thief,” which premiered last week on the Discovery Channel. The Tuesday-night series attempts to reveal home security breaches and persuade the homeowners to fix them, but not before scaring the heck out of them.
Although the show has good suggestions for protecting your home, you have to wonder if the series isn’t also giving tips to would-be burglars.
Host Matt Johnston and his sidekick, Jon Douglas Rainey, could be hoodlums straight out of a Martin Scorsese movie, except they’re better looking. They begin by driving around a suburban New York subdivision, during which Rainey gleefully says, “I haven’t seen a cop all day.”
The two note how tucked back and isolated many of the homes are, with lots of space between properties.
After Johnston and Rainey walk the perimeter of the house they’ve chosen, Rainey makes himself scarce while Johnston meets the volunteer victims and evaluates potential problems.
On this week’s episode, viewers learn the family of four has several bandit-friendly beacons, including an unlocked garage with a BMW in it (complete with keys in the car).
“You should put milk and cookies out [for the burglars],” Johnston chastises.
Come nightfall, Johnston stashes the family in a surveillance van. On hidden cameras in the house, the family watches as Rainey quickly and expertly breaks in. He trashes the place in search of valuables. Back in the van, the family yelps in opposition and horror.
One unnecessary component is Johnston and Rainey’s private aside, discussing the family’s reactions. What’s with the rehashing, guys? This isn’t Monday Night Football.
When the family is allowed back into the house, they survey the damage. Rainey returns and dumps what he’s stolen on the garage floor — about $30,000 worth, he estimates, including the car. The family then angrily confronts Rainey, something that real victims are rarely able to do.
“I feel totally violated,” says wife Susie.
“What a mess,” says husband Henry.
And just in traditional makeover fashion, a security company arrives the next day to clean up the debris and make the house burglar-proof.
Surprisingly, the security company doesn’t install anything resembling an expensive, “Mission Impossible” high-tech system. (Although the upgrades cost about $4,000.) The family helps in the nearly DIY transformation. And Johnston and Rainey return unannounced in a month to see if the family is still locking doors and windows and storing valuables.
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During the earlier confrontation in the garage, Rainey tells the family that the original, security-lax condition of the house “almost made it too easy.”
“If I’d come in and just neatly, nicely taken things, you wouldn’t understand the dramatic effect, the impact it has on your lives forever,” Rainey says. If the drill had been real, “You’d spend the rest of your life asking `why?'”
My family certainly does. The intruders were never caught, but hopefully they got their just desserts trying to pass off sage as a controlled substance.
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Carmel Carrillo is assistant editor of Real Estate. You may contact her at [email protected], or write to her at baiduhai, 435 N. Michigan Ave., Chicago, IL 60611.