JIMMY GREENFIELD
TOPIC 1: WHO IS YOUR FAVORITE MASCOT?
I still love the San Diego Chicken. It’s just so absurd. Chickens don’t play baseball.
TOPIC 2: IF THE BEARS HAD CHEERLEADERS, HOW WOULD THE MCCASKEY FAMILY DRESS THEM?
In a nun’s habit. And they wouldn’t understand why they’d be wildly popular.
TOPIC 3: THE BULLS ARE SO BAD …
… they’re actually worth watching.
TOPIC 4: WHAT ATHLETE WOULD YOU MOST LIKE TO EAT THANKSGIVING DINNER WITH, AND WHY?
Ron Artest. And I’d be the one to throw a ladle of gravy at him.
TOPIC 5: WHO HURT HIS TEAM MORE? RON ARTEST OR RICKY WILLIAMS?
Both killed their team’s seasons; both saved their teams millions in salary. A tie.
PHIL THOMPSON
TOPIC 1: WHO IS YOUR FAVORITE MASCOT?
Ragnar the Viking, who rides a unicycle, which I believe was used to conquer the Normans.
TOPIC 2: IF THE BEARS HAD CHEERLEADERS, HOW WOULD THE MCCASKEY FAMILY DRESS THEM?
Given their lavish spending, the latest in burlap.
TOPIC 3: THE BULLS ARE SO BAD …
… they would gladly take back Ron Artest.
TOPIC 4: WHAT ATHLETE WOULD YOU MOST LIKE TO EAT THANKSGIVING DINNER WITH, AND WHY?
Sammy Sosa. Every Thanksgiving dinner needs a star turkey.
TOPIC 5: WHO HURT HIS TEAM MORE? RON ARTEST OR RICKY WILLIAMS?
Ricky deserted his team. Maybe we can get Ron to slap some sense into him.
LEO EBERSOLE
TOPIC 1: WHO IS YOUR FAVORITE MASCOT?
Willie the Wildcat. Easily.
TOPIC 2: IF THE BEARS HAD CHEERLEADERS, HOW WOULD THE MCCASKEY FAMILY DRESS THEM?
I’m thinking floor-length parkas.
TOPIC 3: THE BULLS ARE SO BAD …
… the word “bad” is getting offended.
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TOPIC 4: WHAT ATHLETE WOULD YOU MOST LIKE TO EAT THANKSGIVING DINNER WITH, AND WHY?
Kevin Garnett: a good passer with excellent reach.
TOPIC 5: WHO HURT HIS TEAM MORE? RON ARTEST OR RICKY WILLIAMS?
Williams. The Pacers can still make the postseason.
WHIZZER
TOPIC 1: WHO IS YOUR FAVORITE MASCOT?
Pillsbury Doughboy. Love that guy, and I cannot quit those rolls!
TOPIC 2: IF THE BEARS HAD CHEERLEADERS, HOW WOULD THE MCCASKEY FAMILY DRESS THEM?
In 1920s flapper outfits.
TOPIC 3: THE BULLS ARE SO BAD …
… the pack of squirrels I chase daily just dropped 98 points on them.
TOPIC 4: WHAT ATHLETE WOULD YOU MOST LIKE TO EAT THANKSGIVING DINNER WITH, AND WHY?
Johnny Damon would be fun. JD, please bring your own hairnet.
TOPIC 5: WHO HURT HIS TEAM MORE? RON ARTEST OR RICKY WILLIAMS?
Artest. Like me, Williams is a lover, not a fighter.
BAG BOY
TOPIC 1: WHO IS YOUR FAVORITE MASCOT?
Phillie Phanatic. Old-school never gets old.
TOPIC 2: IF THE BEARS HAD CHEERLEADERS, HOW WOULD THE MCCASKEY FAMILY DRESS THEM?
Overcoats and ski masks. Nice idea, poor execution.
TOPIC 3: THE BULLS ARE SO BAD …
… that this question put my brain into vapor lock.
TOPIC 4: WHAT ATHLETE WOULD YOU MOST LIKE TO EAT THANKSGIVING DINNER WITH, AND WHY?
Doug Flutie. Because … we were wrong. I miss him.
TOPIC 5: WHO HURT HIS TEAM MORE? RON ARTEST OR RICKY WILLIAMS?
Williams went up in smoke, Artest just blew off steam.