You don’t have a lot of time and, frankly, neither do we. So let’s get right to our panel of RedEye sports experts and let them speak for themselves:
TOPIC 1: WHAT’S ALL THIS ABOUT KEN WILLIAMS NOT BIDDING FOR SCOTT BORAS’ PLAYERS?
TOPIC 2: WHAT’S ON YOUR PRE-GAME IPOD WARMUP TUNES LIST?
TOPIC 3: SHOULD COACHES AND PLAYERS BE ALLOWED TO CHEW OUT HECKLERS?
TOPIC 4: WRIGLEY’S SUPPOSED REDESIGNED BLEACHERS MEANS WHAT EXACTLY?
TOPIC 5: WHAT CAN WE GET BRIAN URLACHER AS A CONDOLENCE GIFT?
JIMMY GREENFIELD: Much ado about nothing. It’s the same effect as if I refused to ask out supermodels.
JIMMY GREENFIELD: I own an iPod? I had no idea. “Nobody Does It Better.” For Walter.
JIMMY GREENFIELD: Yep, because it would stop heckling. Hecklers are the biggest cowards in sports.
JIMMY GREENFIELD: It means at least four more years of no bleacher expansion.
JIMMY GREENFIELD: A month’s supply of calf-sized grapefruits.
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PHIL THOMPSON: That kind of attitude toward bidding will land you a garden gnome.
PHIL THOMPSON: Anything by Destiny’s Child. That’s a warmup for you.
PHIL THOMPSON: Lay off Bill Callahan. If you can’t heckle hillbillies, what’s our whole political process about?
PHIL THOMPSON: About another 80 tons of that sturdy Wrigley Field concrete. Wear your hard hat.
PHIL THOMPSON: Bionic legs. We have the technology.
LEO EBERSOLE: The kids can play, but their GM don’t pay.
LEO EBERSOLE: Lots of Yanni.
LEO EBERSOLE: They should be allowed to fight hecklers, and I should be allowed to sell it as a DVD series.
LEO EBERSOLE: More people leaving the game early.
LEO EBERSOLE: “Legs of Steel” with Tamilee Webb.
WHIZZER: I’m holding out from answering this question.
WHIZZER: Gilbert & Sullivan’s “HMS Pinafore.” What? Don’t judge.
WHIZZER: Yes, but only if they sign a few things first. My eBay cupboard is bare.
WHIZZER: Crowds may have less room to dance to the beat of that sidewalk drummer.
WHIZZER: Season tickets to the Chicago Storm! No, wait …
BAG BOY: Gosh, Williams won’t overpay for over-hyped talent. How dare he?
BAG BOY: “Sirius” from The Alan Parsons Project as I run into my living room.
BAG BOY: No, that idea sucks! You looking at me? Yeah, I said it. C’mon up here big boy …
BAG BOY: More booing for Sammy when the Mets come to town.
BAG BOY: A comfy recliner next to Mike Brown, Rex Grossman, Charles Tillman, Thomas Jones …