Hey, there. Yes, you, the one sniveling about some slight and wallowing in self-pity. Get over it! That kind of negative thinking is at the root of many of our problems, believes Sheenah Hankin, whose latest book, “Complete Confidence: A Handbook” (ReganBooks, $25.95), aims to help you, well, get over it.
Hankin, a much-quoted New York psychotherapist, takes a no-nonsense approach to the issue, peppering her book with the mantra: “Let’s be frank/Let’s be clear.” The volume plays the “hand” book concept, using a hand and its five digits to drive home her points.
Among her many five-point philosophies? “Five immature emotional habits” as in “fiction-based anxiety, immature anger, inappropriate guilt, self-critical shame, powerless self-pity.” It’s confidence-eroding immature habits such as these that she tackles in the chart- and anecdote-filled book. Explaining, in part, why we stick with them, she writes: “Familiarity is why we settle into routines, stick with the same old ways of thinking about ourselves and other people and return to the emotional feelings we have had time and time again.”
On impulsiveness: “Let’s be frank: It is a good idea to understand your feelings. Let’s be clear: It is a terrible idea to automatically act on your feelings.”