ED DEBEVIC’S
By Phil Vettel, Tribune restaurant critic.
“So, how are you guys doing?” asks our waiter. “Any new stories? Anything exciting?”
Awkward pause.
“So, can I stop pretending to care about you?”
That’s how it goes at Ed Debevic’s, the restaurant with the look of a 1960s diner, where comfort food–gut-busting sandwiches and blue-plate specials–meets calculatedly uncomfortable service.
“Single file, people! Some of us are working!” shouts a tray-toting waiter to a couple (me and a colleague) waiting to be seated. “GET OFF THE PHOOOOOONE!” bellows another waiter at a fellow (not me) who is trying to use his cell phone.
Burgers are thick and good, and the Route 66 chicken sandwich, slathered with avocado, is a keeper. The “World’s Smallest Sundae,” in its keepsake plastic cup, is worth a shot, and it’s only $1.09. Devotees swear by the “Outrageous Cheesey Fries,” but they were way too heavy for us.
“Thanks for coming,” says our waiter, with suspicious cheeriness, as we exited. “Goodbye. Have fun somewhere else.”
Doubtless we will. But it won’t be the same.
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Where: 640 N. Wells St., 312-664-1707, www.eddebevics.com.
Make sure to: Order one of the outstanding milkshakes or malts.
Price of admission: Theatrical, we’re-not-really-mad verbal abuse. Insults fly as fast as the servers here can think them up, which is to say, pretty fast. If you’re feeling brave, insult the waiters right back; they love a good fight.
Cut Corners: By ordering the “World’s Smallest Sundae,” two thimblesful of ice cream in a keepsake plastic cup, $1.09.
RAINFOREST CAFE
By Kevin Williams Tribune staff reporter
We ordered the Volcano–ice cream, mediocre brownie and chocolate sauce–and immediately apologized to our waiter. But more about that later.
Everybody knows Rainforest Cafe. It’s the place with the frog on the ugliest restaurant facade in existence. The interior is Disneyfied rainforest, intended to simulate how it might be if you were dining outdoors in the jungle, all trees, leaves and cheesy thematic stuff. Were you a baby, Rainforest Cafe would tickle you under the chin, gurgling “kitschy kitschy koo.”
The place is enormous, and the seating is just comfortable enough to soothe after a long day of shopping, but not so comfortable that you want to linger much past the end of your meal. The ambient noise level is high, then you have the simulated monsoons, accompanied by grunts and groans from animatronic animals and dimming lights. The very young children were getting pretty freaked out.
So we know that there’s plenty of ambience, but what about the food? Do you evaluate the food at a theme park? Right. We chose the Island Bruschetta, Crab Cake Sandwich and Rainforest Natural Burger (brown rice and veggies). The grub pulsated with adequacy. It’s all big, warm and soothing, just the thing after an exhausting day shopping the Mag Mile or State Street. My companion, a seafood snob, said the crab cake sandwich was pretty good. All of the excess keeps you from noticing that you’re spending a lot of dough.
And when our waiter brought us our dessert–the aforementioned Volcano–he had to shout “Voooolcanooo!” It was pretty silly, which was why we apologized for ordering it.
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Where: 605 N. Clark St., 312-787-1501, www.rainforestcafe.com.
Make sure to: Not freak out when the lights go down and things start rumbling away. And do order one of the Volcano desserts, if only to see your waitperson roll their eyes. It’s excessive, but rather adequate as big piles of ice cream and brownies go.
Price of admission: Excess on top of excess at theme central. There are the fish table coverings, palm fronds and greenery everywhere. The experience is very Disney, right down to the people bustling around, cleaning up anything that might fall to the floor.
Cut corners: Watch what you order, because your tab can add up very quickly. We weren’t all that full for our $50-plus (with drinks and tip) check.
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MR. BEEF
By Michael Esposito, Tribune staff reporter
On the western fringe of the tourist dining zone lies Mr. Beef. The joint gained national fame in May 1989 when–before becoming late night rivals–Jay Leno brought a sack of Mr. Beef sandwiches onto David Letterman’s show, which was taping at the Chicago Theatre.
On a visit 15 years later, the sandwiches proved equal to their fame. Starting from the bottom, the bread holds up well to the beef juices–a.k.a. “gravy”–staying moist, but not leaving a diner with a mess on his hands. The beef is nicely seasoned, flavorful without being oily or greasy. Sweet peppers come in a largish wedge, while “hot peppers” are a scoop of giardinera, heavy on the celery, mild enough for most palates.
Ordering can be tough because regulars don’t always line up. It’s not a trading pit, but be prepared to stand up for yourself. Once you’ve got the counterman’s attention, know your order: Do you like your sandwich “wet” or “juicy” (dipped in beef gravy), or dry (moist with the gravy that clings to the beef, but not dipped)? Do you want peppers–sweet (bell pepper), hot (a mild giardinera) or both?
To order a beef sandwich that is not dipped in the gravy, is garnished with sweet peppers and giardinera, with side orders of fries and a large Coke, just say: “Beef, dry, sweet and hot, fries and a large Coke.” Mmmm.
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Where: 666 N. Orleans St., about a block north of the Kennedy Expressway’s Ontario and Ohio Street ramps; 312-337-8500.
Make sure to: Check out the celebrity photos by the dining counter and movie poster collection in the elegant dining room (long wooden picnic tables) if it’s open.
Price of admission: Walking through the doors is free, but few would have the resolve to pass through that portal and not order. A beef sandwich is $4.60. A sausage sandwich is $3.85. A combination (beef and sausage) is $4.85. Fries are $1.50. Coke is $1.50 for a large, $1.25 for a small. Cans of pop are $1.
PORTILLO’S
By Phil Vettel, Tribune restaurant critic
There are almost 30 Portillo restaurants scattered about the suburbs, but the only city location is on Ontario. This is a privately owned group that has mastered the art of fast food; orders are taken efficiently and filled quickly, even though the menu is far more ambitious than most chain operations attempt.
There are actually two separate entities under this roof: Portillo’s, which features burgers, hot dogs and sandwiches, and Barnelli’s, which offers pizza, pasta, panini and barbecued ribs. There are separate ordering lines for each. And though it’s easy to overlook, there’s actually a drive-through window, should you wish to experience the food on your way out of town.
Order the burgers, which are charcoaled just right and served on a sturdy bun. But the real surprise is how good the Italian beef sandwich is. You get well-seasoned beef, plenty of gravy and a thirsty bun (if you like your Italian beef dry, specify when ordering).
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Where: 100 W. Ontario St., 312-587-8910, www.portillos.com.
Make sure to: Try the Polish sausage with griddled onions and Portillo’s fine Chicago-style hot dog.
Price of admission: No charge to look at the tricked-out interior, which resembles a 1920s Chicago street and is covered with memorabilia and other kitschy touches; old-fashioned music plays overhead, but you’ll never hear it during the lunch rush.
Cut Corners: Share a Big Beef (50 percent larger than the regular Italian Beef). It’s just $5.89 and will feed two.
HARD ROCK CAFE
By Regina Robinson, Tribune staff reporter
The Hard Rock Cafe is a rock ‘n’ roll shrine disguised as a restaurant. The large bar in the middle of the main dining room, with its tower of flat screens projecting rock videos, indicates that HRC knows its strong points.
The menu features American fare such as burgers, steaks and pasta. The prices are reasonable, the portions large and the service not bad–HRC’s motto is “Love All . . . Serve All.”
Yet we were surprised that the entrees were not that tasty, since we enjoyed the Jumbo Combo from the starter menu. The sampler platter included Santa Fe spring rolls, Classic Chicken Wings with sauce (the Heavy Metal sauce is very spicy, but tasty), HRC’s Original Onion Rings, potato skins and Tupelo chicken tenders.
The drink menu makes up for the unexciting cuisine: Rockin’ Concoctions include staple drinks like the margarita and Long Island Iced Tea, and an Alabama Slammer and Waborita that are not for the novice.
But the lightweights are not left out. There is a production recognizing the young ladies turning 21. The guest of honor stands on a chair holding an ice cream dessert while her server instructs all to wish her a Happy Birthday.
As a Tears for Fears video played and another 21-year-old received her legal drinking wings, we gave a final glance at the Jimi Hendrix guitar at the entrance and didn’t feel so bad about being mature.
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Where: 63 W. Ontario St., 312-943-2252, www.hardrock.com.
Make sure to: Reminisce. Rock videos and memorabilia from rock music’s inception to the present are streamed throughout the restaurant; insignia T-shirts, leather jackets, lingerie and more are available in the merchandise store.
Price of admission: It ain’t a cheap date, but for an additional $3 you can get a souvenir glass with your beverage.
Cut corners: Save time by considering the valet service or nearby garages. There are meters, but driving around the heavily-trafficked blocks waiting for a space can be frustrating.
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Coming next week in the 11th part of our guide for residents to the places tourists go–Destination: Museums.