Knowing how to act around an ill person is hard–so often, we just stay away. By doing so, according to “The Etiquette of Illness” by Susan P. Halpern (Bloomsbury, $17.95), we lose precious chances to care and connect, and the ill person can be left feeling adrift. Halpern offers tips for reaching out and a generous dose of understanding when we fall short. Her suggestions include:
– Before checking in with someone with a serious illness, research the disease. (Try the Internet.) You don’t have to show off your knowledge; it just gives you added understanding.
– Call. Most ill people won’t hesitate to turn their ringers off or let their answering machines take a call if they don’t feel like talking.
– Cards are welcome. Write something sincere, such as, “I am so sorry this is happening to you.”
– Ask the ill person what he or she needs, and take care to listen to the answer.
– Think creatively about gifts. Consider giving, say, a beautiful head wrap, a poem or a trip to a massage therapist.
– Act comfortable, not fearful. Be concerned but not nosy. And yes, you might put your foot in your mouth–but you’re human, so it’s OK. Just try again.
To the ill person who has received a kindness: “Just the word `thanks’ goes a long way.”