“Guys have periods, too,” my wife once told me.
I thought she was yanking my chain, as she usually does–with much success–until I saw an episode of Fox’s animated series “King of the Hill.”
Strait-laced propane- and-propane-accessories dealer Hank Hill had a checkup with his doctor after complaints of feeling sluggish and cranky. The doc said Hank was suffering from something called “irritable male syndrome.”
As it turns out, a real-life doctor in Scotland stumbled on IMS (it’s no coincidence that the initials are eerily close to PMS) after studying the habits of rams in Edinburgh. Gerald Lincoln of the Medical Research Council found a correlation between those animals and guys whose stressing out can help lower testosterone levels.
“Testosterone in males changes hourly,” explained retired Beverly Hills urologist Larrian Gillespie. “Pulsating on an hourly level is how your body puts out testosterone, as opposed to females, who work on a 24-hour through a 28-day cycle. Men are hourly, so as a result, they actually are [more] susceptible to stress responses than a female is. So when you have continuous stress, it then lowers your testosterone levels.”
The results are irritability, nervousness, depression and lack of a sex drive. Testosterone-replacement therapy could help a guy get back to his manly self.
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My wife says there are times when I’m moody and seem to want to be alone, but sometimes it goes deeper than that.
There are certain times of the month (don’t laugh, I’m being sensitive) when I don’t want to be bothered with anyone, especially at work.
The slightest thing will tick me off, like when a guy pushes the wrong elevator button, causing me to make an unwanted stop; or when some woman doesn’t acknowledge the courtesy after I let her get on the bus before me, or I open a door for her.
And I’ll feel down for no reason. It never lasts long, and I’ll then think of some silly joke, or talk to a friend about whatever, or see my wife, and I’m back to normal.
Let me state that I am probably at one of the happiest times of my life. I love my wife. The job is fine. My sex life is not your business.
But these moods cross over me, and I want to set someone on fire. (Attention, security: I stress “want to,” not “going to,” so relax.)
Gillespie noted my symptoms were consistent with IMS, even though “the studies in actual men have been sort of minimally looked at, the reason being is that it’s not as predictable, let’s say, as the female can be, where you can say you have so many days before their period, x, y and z happens in their behavior, etc.”
Women might be uttering “welcome to my world” about now–with good reason.
“Women have been so, in a way, traumatized by men disregarding PMS. They think that if the man’s got it, `who’s going to care about that now because he didn’t care about me with my problem,'” explained Gillespie, whose book, “The Gladiator Diet: How to Preserve Peak Health, Sexual Energy and a Strong Body at Any Age,” shows guys how to use the right nutrition to offset IMS.
I’m not telling you all this for sympathy. In fact, I think I now know a little of what you go through. This is for those guys to know they’re not alone if they’re dealing with some of the same feelings.
You’re just, as Hank Hill’s doctor told him, “having your `mansies.'”
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Send e-mail for Allan Johnson to [email protected].