Carla Ross, a full-time homemaker living in Lake Forest, Ill., has been on “maternity leave” since 1985. That’s when her first child was 2 years old and she was pregnant with her second child.
“I love being a mother, but I never intended to be at home for 18 years–never,” said Ross, age 50. “I wanted to devote my time to my children, to become an anchor for the home. And my husband’s income was sufficient for me to do so. We were very lucky to be in that position.”
Ross’ husband, Thomas, is a patent attorney. They have two children, 21 and 17. Ross will face an empty nest next year when her son Brian will have graduated from college and son Michael from high school.
The homemaker had worked until a week before Brian was born and then went back to work the next year. She worked for three years more–her son was in day care–and then quit and never went back.
A human resource professional, Ross, who has a bachelor of science in consumer and family sciences, was a personnel director for several retail chains and enjoyed her work– the challenge, the excitement.
“But my working full-time didn’t work for us as a family,” she said. “My husband had a demanding job that required a lot of travel, and when it came time for me to travel to recruit personnel, I felt that what I was doing and what I was earning were not worth the cost of being away from my son.”
Ross remembers having to go on a recruitment trip and “leaving a crying baby in my husband’s arms. I realized I could not balance both work and family.”
So she went in to her boss and resigned.
“I didn’t plan to return very soon but I always knew I wanted to go back to work someday,” she said.
In fact, the transition was challenging. “I missed going on the train to work every day with my husband, I missed work,” she said. “I never found motherhood overwhelming and I feel I accomplished a lot. What was hard was the isolation.”
But she candidly adds that “I’ve done both–been a working mother and an at-home mother–and it’s totally tougher to work and at the same time to raise kids than it is to be at home.”
Ross also observes that “the years have passed quickly and our family needs were served better by my being at home and my husband the financial support.”
The homemaker channeled her considerable energy and talents into volunteer work when her older child went to grade school. She says she “became involved in his school.”
What this meant for Ross is that she spent almost two decades in active leadership roles, as president of a foundation that raised money for enrichment programs for the local school district; as head of a benefit for a community center; and as president of the high school’s parents and teachers group.
When the school year started last September, Ross realized she “needed something else in my life. My kids are graduating and I feel as if I’m graduating, too. Now is the time for me.”
The homemaker says she thinks she will be an even better worker.
“I am totally free of encumbrances, can devote myself to a career and am much wiser than I was in my 20s,” she said. “I feel I have so much more to offer professionally. A lot of my volunteer work has involved managing people and budgets, fundraising and taking a task and following it through. I’m more mature, have much more experience–and this time, I’m not going to have another child and don’t have to worry about child care.”
However, she admits that “it’s hard to get out there so many years later. But I’m excited about it. Excited and fearful. I’m eager to get on with it.”
And Ross has this advice for other women who opt to be at home. “Keep your hand in your profession and don’t feel as if you’re missing out on something else,” she said. “Enjoy what you do and feel good about yourself.”
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In other words, live in the moment.
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Carol Kleiman’s columns also appear in Sunday’s and Thursday’s Business sections. Hear her on WBBM Newsradio 780 at 6:21 p.m. and 10:22 p.m. Mondays and 11:20 a.m. Saturdays. Watch her “Career Coach” segments on CLTV. E-mail [email protected].