It’s never easy to see the light
Going to Bourbonnais for the first Bears training camp practice and seeing players up close gave me a whole new perspective.
I realized Aaron Gibson (6-foot-7, 375 pounds) and Ted Washington
(6-foot-5, 365 pounds) are, in fact, human solar eclipses. Maybe I was seeing things, but an entire Boy Scout troop found shade in Gibson’s shadow.
A few more tips:
– If you drive down (directions on www.bearstrainingcamp.info), check out the road sign before you hit the Olivet Nazarene University campus. It reads, “2004 Super Bowl: Chicago Bears 28, Oakland Raiders 14.” Oh, sweet and innocent little town of Bourbonnais.
– If you holler to Bears receiver Dez White to come to the fence and sign an autograph, do not yell “David Terrell! David Terrell!” This only brings glares.
– If you insist on buying a home Bears jersey and a road Bears jersey, cutting them both in half, and then sewing one half to each other, well then, you’re beyond hope.
Yes, young man. I’m talking to you.
COMPARE AND CONTRAST: Number of fresh No. 8 Rex Grossman’s jerseys spotted on fans at camp’s first practice: 3. Number of actual Rex Grossmans at camp’s first practice: 0.
ALSO SPOTTED: WFLD-Ch. 32 Fox sports anchor Jill Carlson signed an autograph for a fan too. Does that go on the mantle or the bookshelf?
FOLLOW UP: Just saw “Seabiscuit” and read that about 40 thoroughbreds appeared in the film. Wouldn’t it suck to get stuck sitting behind one of them at the premiere?
WIND BENEATH MY WINGS: But seriously, the movie was very, very inspirational. I came out of the theater and immediately wanted to run 1 3 1/416 miles naked with a little man on my back.
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WAG THE DOG: Did Lance Armstrong really win his fifth straight Tour de France? What if this was a series of staged events meant to boost cycling’s popularity in the U.S.? What if all five races were faked on a Hollywood backlot with extras and stuntmen? What if this was true?
WHAT IF: I try writing this column without about 19 Diet Cokes in my system?
GEEKED UP: The Braves’ Marcus Giles doubled in his first four at-bats Sunday to tie the record for doubles in a game and consecutive doubles in one game. Still, somewhere a rotisserie baseball player mumbled, “Marcus, would it kill you to mix a homer in there?”
YOU DECIDE: Ex-Ranger/Indian/Cub/ Brave/Brewer/Rockie and current Pirate Jose Hernandez is on pace for a record 204 strikeouts this season. My question: What hat will he wear when he’s inducted into baseball’s Hall of Fame?
OLD COLLEGE TRY: Fresno State has decided not to offer scholarships to high school students who don’t qualify academically under NCAA standards. Under this system, a promising athlete would have to study before getting into this university? You dreamers.
HAPPY B-DAY: Cubs GM Jim Hendry celebrated his 57th birthday Sunday, and each time he unwrapped a gift I bet he was thinking, “Please, please, please, be two prospects for Antonio Alfonseca.”
OVERRATED: Blue Jays pitcher Roy Halladay has won 15 games in a row. That’s six in May, five in June and four in July. Guy’s going downhill in a hurry.
PASS THE MUSTARD: Jeff Kolka and Serge Corbin won Michigan’s 120-mile
Weyerhaeuser Au Sable River Canoe Marathon in 14 hours, 55 minutes,
3 seconds. They would have been faster
but they stopped for a picnic and some swimming.
HOMER DOME: Did you hear about this former Metrodome stadium worker who said he turned on more fans behind home plate to help the Twins score? No wonder Kirby Puckett got into so much trouble.
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