Editor’s Note: Hundreds of Ann Landers’ loyal readers have requested that newspapers continue to publish her columns of the past 47 years. These letters originally appeared in 1996.
Dear Ann Landers: My husband has developed the habit of opening ALL our mail, even when it is addressed only to me. I was taught when growing up that one never opens another person’s mail unless specifically requested to do so. I do not open mail addressed to my husband.
We are both retired, professional people, and frankly, opening my mail is one of the few pleasures I enjoy these days. I have told my husband that I prefer to open the mail addressed to me, but if I am not at home when the postman comes, he proceeds to open all the mail regardless.
I share all my mail with him after reading it, so I am not trying to hide anything. Please address this in your column. It is becoming a real irritant, and I need to know if I am overreacting, as my husband says.
— E.M. in Denver
Dear Denver: Overreacting, my foot. Your husband has no business opening your mail, especially since you have specifically asked him not to. It’s also against the law.
I’m printing your letter because it is apparent that you need help with that guy. I hope this does it.
Dear Ann Landers: My sister and I are both in our 50s and have recently reconciled after some years of strained relations. We are having a great time for the most part, but I have a question about something that I find extremely upsetting. My sister insists that I’m wrong about this and has agreed to let you decide.
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I do not own a car, nor do I drive. My sister has a car, however, and drives me everywhere. She recently requested gas money from me, which I found offensive. I am generous to her in other ways, including paying for parking, restaurant meals occasionally, spontaneous gifts, etc.
Ann, I think it is downright tacky to ask a relative to pay for gas. It seems that she is penalizing me for not driving, and I resent it. We have discussed this, but nothing has been resolved. She no longer asks for gas money, and I continue to treat her to dinner now and then.
What do you think about a person who would charge her sister to ride in her car?
— Steamed in Seattle
Dear Steamed: Your letter brought to mind the two men seated on opposite sides of the table. One said, “The number I see is clearly a 6.” The other said, “You’re mistaken. It’s a 9.”
From where you sit, it appears that your sister is tacky because she has asked you for gas money since you are a frequent passenger. Your rationale is, “She was going anyway.” Your sister, nevertheless, views you as a freeloader — getting transportation for nothing.
I suggest that you continue to ride with her, but please make it a point to treat her to dinner more often and surprise her by offering to fill up the tank on occasion.