Editor’s Note: Hundreds of Ann Landers’ loyal readers have requested that newspapers continue to publish her columns of the past 47 years. These letters originally appeared in 1996.
Dear Ann Landers: I have a neighbor, who, for the last two years, has fallen into the habit of borrowing groceries and household items from me. She has asked for everything from a cup of flour, sugar or rice to a lemon, a couple of eggs and a few scoops of washing detergent.
I wouldn’t mind helping her out in a last-minute, middle-of-cooking crisis, but this woman does not believe in keeping alternative foods for dinner in the house, and it is obvious that she doesn’t think washing clothes can wait another day. Incidentally, I have never once borrowed anything from her.
I’ll admit that I have lied a few times and told her I was out of certain items, hoping she would take the hint and stop asking, but that ploy was unsuccessful. Meanwhile, I am fed up serving as her local one-stop supermarket. She never once has offered to pay me for the borrowed items, nor has she ever replaced anything I’ve given her.
I would like to remain friends, since she is otherwise a nice person, but I don’t know how to handle this situation anymore, and it’s getting to me. Can you help?
— Bummed Out in Iowa
Dear Bummed: Try honesty. It works. Tell your neighbor you are tired of her borrowing — that you shop according to your family’s needs and she should learn to do the same. If your refusal to keep her in supplies ends the friendship, it wasn’t very solid to begin with.
Dear Ann Landers: My husband and I recently attended two very special events with our daughters. The first was our 7-year-old making her first communion.
We dropped her off to line up with the other children and then proceeded to go into the church. We arrived 45 minutes early as instructed. We were shocked to discover that most of the pews were being “saved” by children and other relatives who told us quite bluntly, “These seats are for our family.” We ended up sitting in the back of the church.
The same thing happened again two weeks later when we attended our daughter’s ballet and tap dance recitals. Parents were instructed to arrive one hour early to prepare the children to go on stage. When we walked into the auditorium to get seats, I couldn’t believe my eyes. At least two dozen rows of seats were blocked off with masking tape. A child was seated at the end of each row. The children, of course, had been placed there by adults to save seats for people who had not arrived yet. Again, we ended up three rows from the back.
More Top Picks Best Resistance Bands Sets
I am very angry about this unfair practice. Whatever happened to first-come, first-served? Isn’t it a basic right in a democracy? What can be done about this sort of thing?
— Steamed in Michigan
Dear Steamed: The solution is for the parents to insist on assigned seats. It’s more work for the program planners, but it’s the only way to ensure equitable seating and eliminate the problem.