What you didn’t know about the Hawks dumping walkout defenseman Boris Mironov to the New York Rangers for a fourth-round draft pick is that it came through a classified ad. “Division’s last-place team seeks to inflate NHL-high $69 million payroll with underachieving, overpaid journeyman. Willing to pick up almost half of $3.3 million deal. Call before 5, ask for Glen.”
NICE CHOPPERS: One-time Miami Dolphins linebacker and Oklahoma standout Aubrey Beavers was jailed on felony charges of marijuana possession. Police caught Beavers gnawing through a chain link fence in Snoop Dogg’s back yard.
YOU WON’T BELIEVE IT: Once Notre Dame’s football coach for only a moment, George O’Leary was promoted to defensive coordinator of the Minnesota Vikings this week. He’s already ordered “Secretary of Defense” letterhead.
NFL RULES: So now it can be told: The Titans rule the roost. Bowing to Nashville’s resident barbarian horde, Nashville’s so-called Predators and Vanderbilt’s so-called Commodores are changing their game times to fit around Sunday’s Titans-Steelers 3:30 kickoff. And you call yourselves men.
HE WASN’T MISSED: With his strained knee almost healed, Vince Carter could return to the Toronto Raptors this Friday. Geez, if things go really well, he could be the next LeBron James.
ON THAT NOTE: James threw down seven dunks Tuesday night, including one where he swung the ball under his leg and into a tomahawk slam. Can’t wait to see him bring that into the grill of some beefy NBA veteran who has no qualms launching some punk through the dasher boards.
OH THAT HEEL: Free-agent pitcher Chuck Finley probably won’t be in the St. Louis Cardinals’ rotation, although ex-wife Tawny Kitaen will attend Opening Day and throw out the first shoe.
THREE-POINT STANCE: Lakers guard Kobe Bryant drained an NBA-record 12 three-pointers in one game. Ball hog.
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NICE DUDS: To celebrate their victory over the Giants, the 49ers offensive line loaded up on leather suits from a Los Angeles designer at an average of $1,895 a pop. Guys, you’re headed to Tampa so maybe think cotton, or a nice twill. On that note, Bucs 35, 49ers 17.
WHAT A SHAME: Call them crazy, but the Harlem Globetrotters shoot for their 21,000th victory when they take on the New York Nationals next week. All those victories over all those years and still no NBA title. Kind of like the Jazz.
SUIT UP: Open tryouts for the Arena Football League’s Peoria Pirates are January 25th in Peoria. Call 309-698-5437. Open tryouts for the Chicago Bears have yet to be announced.
DISCOUNT U.: Florida State junior defensive tackle Darnell Dockett was charged with felony grand theft for his alleged role in receiving 90 percent discounts on merchandise bought at a mall last month, which is absolutely shocking because Seminoles players usually get this stuff out of the way sophomore year.
REVERSE EVOLUTION: Fox has found a way to make “The Simpsons” TV spoofs seem all the more real thanks to an upcoming network show, “Man vs. Beast.” They call it a “competition,” but please, no wagering. National anthem singer and one-time world-class sprinter Carl Lewis sprints against a giraffe. A 113-pound man holds an eating contest with a 1,000-pound bear (put your money on the beast). Members of our military and a chimp will match wits and speed in an obstacle course. And a group of little people flex their muscles against an elephant to see who can pull a DC-10 farther or faster. Hide the pets.