Editor’s Note: Hundreds of Ann Landers’ loyal readers have requested that newspapers continue to publish her columns of the past 47 years. These letters originally appeared in 1996.
Dear Ann Landers: My husband and I are the proud parents of a beautiful 1-year-old daughter. Lately, we have been thinking about who should raise her in case we both die at the same time.
My husband’s relatives are nice people, but we agree they would not be the best candidates. My mother is 64, lives 50 miles away, is widowed, financially secure and works full time. Although it would be something of a hardship for her, I’m sure she could manage, but it would alter her lifestyle considerably.
Both my husband and I agree the best choice would be our neighbors, who are also close friends. Our daughter has known and loved this family ever since she was born. “Mary” and “Bob” are our age. Mary does not work. They have a large home and two teen-age daughters who are wonderful kids.
We aren’t concerned about the financial responsibility because we have a life insurance policy that would take care of it. The question we need help with is this: Is it proper to choose a non-family member to raise your child if it makes sense? We are worried that we might offend my mother if we do not ask her, but we frankly would prefer that our child be raised by Mary and Bob. Please help us make the right decision.
— Uncertain in Chicago
Dear Uncertain: By all means, ask Mary and Bob. I’m reasonably certain your 64-year-old mother would not be offended. In fact, she probably would be relieved. Your mother will be 70 when the child is in second grade. Most of the child’s playmates would have grandparents who are younger. Give her a break.
Dear Ann Landers: After spending 12 years in New York, I am returning to my husband’s native country, Italy. Among the things I will miss most is your column.
Before I leave, will you please explain why Americans yawn without covering their mouths? This has always bothered me. I’m not talking about individuals with little education. I mean people at every level, including elegant ladies who stroll down Madison Avenue in $600 suits.
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Yesterday, when I was shopping for a computer on Fifth Avenue, a young salesman, who was standing no more than 2 feet from me, yawned in my face while I was asking him a question. I could not stop myself from saying, “Nice tonsils!” He immediately apologized and covered his mouth.
Will you please tell your readers that tongues, tonsils, gums, fillings and dentures are private parts and should be shown only to one’s doctor and no one else? I’m moving to Italy next week, so you can sign me . . .
— Goodbye, New York
Dear New York: I share your lack of enthusiasm for the sight of tonsils, tongues, gums, fillings and dentures. However, I could never have gotten the message across as well as you did. Bon voyage and mille grazie.
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