The two schmoes who can’t agree on who owns Barry Bonds’ 73rd home run ball also can’t agree on how to sell it, even after a judge told them to unload the thing and split the profits. Here’s how it gets done: The ball is sold back to Bonds, the money goes to charity, Bonds has the ball destroyed, both guys get put on a raft, the raft gets sent out to sea. So let it be written, so let it be done.
LET THE LOVE FLOW: Back once more in Chicago as the Washington Wizards face the Bulls at the United Center, Michael Jordan expects a warm welcome from his Bulls fans. “I imagine if I can get it at any other place, I can get it at home in Chicago,” he said. Or Indianapolis.
GOOD NEWS, BEARS FANS: Despite a 5-27 record over two seasons, Detroit Lions team owner William Clay Ford Sr. told chief executive Matt Millen that Millen’s job is safe and that Marty Mornhinweg will return as head coach. When informed of the decision, Mornhinweg mulled over the news and still opted to kick off.
SWEET DREAMS: Here’s how a few young and wild football players spent their New Year’s Eve:
Ohio State place-kicker Mike Nugent said, “We had curfew at 11 and I was in bed about 10:30.” Teammate and defensive lineman Will Smith: “We just relaxed and went to sleep.” Miami’s Brett Romberg said, “I played a little pool and watched some TV. That’s it.” Guys, you’re not going to make the Oakland Raiders with behavior like that.
THAT’S A POTENTIAL RAIDER: The Florida Times-Union obtained a troubling police report that says officers punched and used pepper spray on Notre Dame’s third-string safety Chad DeBolt after he was arrested and charged with refusing to leave a nightclub. The newspaper reported that police said DeBolt yelled, “Don’t anyone laugh. I’m the Fighting Irish.” That’s OK, one tackle in 11 games is kind of the funny part.
SIGH OF RELIEF: Good to see Bill Parcells landed a job, and in this economy.
WIDE BODIES: Police say protesters planning to picket outside Augusta National Golf Club during the Masters in protest of the club’s all-male membership might not be able to use the sidewalks because police say the sidewalks aren’t wide enough. Are you saying they’re fat? Is that what you’re saying?
MAYOR McCHEESY: As is the tradition, Miami’s and Columbus’ mayors are betting on the outcome of Friday’s Fiesta Bowl. The Columbus mayor is betting a buckeye tree and the Miami-Dade mayor is betting a palm tree. Of course, there is no money involved but Pete Rose likes the palm tree to grow “over” the buckeye tree, if you know what he means.
LOOK AWAY: In his third year out of Marshall, the Jets’ first-round pick QB Chad Pennington came in for an injured veteran QB and took his NFL team to the playoffs. But no, Marshall QB Byron Leftwich isn’t worth considering in the first round in the 2003 NFL Draft. No, please, don’t even speak of it.
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ROAD TO PERDITION: A plan to name an Atlantic City street after boxing promoter Don King is catching some flak from critics. But have no fear; Don King always gets his way.