Editor’s Note: Hundreds of Ann Landers’ loyal readers have requested that newspapers continue to publish her columns of the past 47 years. These letters originally appeared in 1998.
Dear Ann Landers: I work as a bank teller. A month ago, I fell on the steps of my home and fractured my right arm. After a week of sick leave, I returned to work with my arm in a cast, happy to be up and doing something constructive.
What I didn’t realize was that practically every person who came to my teller window seemed to find it necessary to inquire about my injury. “Oh, my heavens — what happened to your arm?” When I say, “I fell and broke it,” most people won’t stop there. They want to know all the details or feel the need to regale me with stories of their own injuries, which, of course, are endless and boring.
I serve approximately 150 people a day, and fully 100 are “askers.” What these “interested” folks don’t realize is that every comment or question reminds me vividly of the pain and trauma of the accident. By the end of my shift, I am ready to cry.
I hope this letter will help your readers understand that when they encounter someone, particularly a stranger, who has obviously had a traumatic experience, it is kinder to let courtesy override curiosity.
— Fed Up in Oregon
Dear Oregon: Please don’t be so hard on the questioners. It is only human nature, when one sees a crutch, a black eye or a bandaged arm, to ask, “What happened?”
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A simple response (no organ recital) is all that is expected. Simply say, “I fell,” and change the subject.
Dear Ann Landers: How do you let close friends and relatives know that name dropping, price dropping and status dropping are offensive and make them look insecure and tacky?
My wife mentioned to her friend that she liked her new sweater. The friend should have graciously replied, “Thank you.” Instead, she said, “If you give me $250, you can have it.”
When I told an acquaintance of mine how difficult it was to complete my income tax form, he said, “I know! I had to send the IRS $15,000!” Another time, when I told him what a wonderful Hawaiian vacation we had enjoyed, he replied, “We’re going there in a few weeks and staying at a hotel that charges $600 a night.”
The last straw was when I told a cousin that my son had just learned he had been accepted by a prestigious college. She chirped, “My son, the brain surgeon, is coming to visit us next month. His degree is from Harvard, you know.”
This sort of thing is exasperating, and it never ends. I cannot understand why people feel they must say things like this. I don’t want to let my irritation show because these are otherwise nice people, and I don’t want to offend them. Any ideas?
— Frustrated in Claremont, Calif.
Dear Claremont: What you have described is called “one-upmanship,” and it is practiced by insecure people who have a hard time dealing with the success of others. There is no known cure for these folks. They are more to be pitied than censured.
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To find out more about Ann Landers and read her past columns, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.