Eppie Lederer, the author of Ann Landers who died June 22, left behind columns to be published through July 27. Here is one:
Dear Ann Landers: Last week, I witnessed something that really bothered me. I went to my nephew’s wrestling match and saw a father “coaching” his son during the competition. The young man was putting his heart and soul into the match, and although he did not come in first place, he did win a medal. But that wasn’t good enough for his father.
The man screamed at his son and humiliated him in front of everyone because he came in third. This boy was perhaps 15 years old and kept apologizing to his father for his “poor” performance. The father made him feel so worthless, the boy threw his medal into the garbage can.
I wanted to take the boy home with me. I knew his father would berate him all the way to their house. I hope all parents who behave like this will stop and think what they are doing to their children. If this boy’s mother witnesses such abuse, I hope she will speak up and put an end to it. These men are bullies. — Wrestling Fan in New Rochelle, N.Y.
Dear Wrestling Fan: You are absolutely right. Parents should support their child’s interest in sports and be encouraging. They should never berate or humiliate the child or be overly critical. Not only is this poor parenting, it could kill any desire the child might have for the sport.
Too many parents attempt to live their own dreams through their children. My heart aches for that young man. I hope his father sees this column and is thoroughly ashamed of himself.
Dear Ann Landers: I was recently asked out by “Laura,” a girl who is deaf. I was surprised by her invitation since Laura rarely speaks to anyone other than her interpreter. She always seemed friendly, offering to do small favors, and so on, but I never took her up on her generosity. It bothered me to have a handicapped person do things for me that I am perfectly capable of doing myself.
I don’t want to hurt Laura’s feelings by turning her down. She’s a nice person, but I am not attracted to her and have no interest in a relationship. What should I do? — Mixed Signals in Louisville, Ky.
Dear Louisville: The fact that Laura is deaf should not determine your actions. If you have no interest in a relationship, you should let her know you prefer to remain platonic friends. From the tone of your letter, it seems that Laura’s deafness might be a problem for you. I hope this is not the case and that you will give Laura the same consideration you would give any female who asks you out.
Dear Ann Landers: I am a 47-year-old single mother. I own my home and car, and I consider myself intelligent and capable.
Here’s the problem: I am in school to become a paralegal and must take algebra in order to get my degree. I will never use algebra in real life, nor is it a necessary component of being a paralegal. However, algebra is required in order for me to graduate.
I am terrible in math, Ann. I already have taken algebra once and failed. I am certain I will continue to fail, no matter how many times I take the class.
Can you help me? I don’t know what to do anymore. — The Dummy in San Antonio
Dear San Antonio: I, too, wonder why higher-level math classes are required for people who will never use them. Talk to the algebra teacher, and ask for his or her assistance. Also, please consider hiring a tutor. The results will be worth it.
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An alcohol problem? How can you help yourself or someone you love? “Alcoholism: How to Recognize It, How to Deal With It, How to Conquer It” will give you the answers. Send a self-addressed, long, business-size envelope and a check or money order for $3.75 (this includes postage and handling) to: Alcohol, c/o Ann Landers, P.O. Box 11562, Chicago, IL 60611-0562. (In Canada, send $4.55.)