Dear Ann Landers: I am a live-in housekeeper for an elderly woman. I have worked for her for six years and will continue to work to send money home to my family overseas. The lady I work for reads your column every day, and I hope she will see this. I am used to working hard and am grateful to this country for allowing me to earn some money. However, I don’t know what to do when my employer goes through my personal belongings while I am out shopping or occupied in the kitchen. She opens my cosmetics case and samples the lipstick, goes through the clothes in my closet, and I can tell when she has been in my dresser because things are misplaced and rearranged.
If I confront her, she will deny everything. No one else lives here but the two of us, and she rarely gets a visitor, not even her children. I am terribly upset by her behavior, but I would feel guilty if I left her. What can I do?
— Frustrated in Long Island, N.Y.
Dear Long Island: Ask at the local hardware store if there is a way to install a lock that will not cause damage to the door. If so, tell your employer that you need your privacy and you will pay for the lock. If not, the next time your employer gets into your things, say sweetly, “I noticed you were in my closet. Was there something you needed?” That ought to do it.
Dear Ann Landers: I have been living with “Jay” for three years, and we are engaged to be married. He is a wonderful and sweet man who is good to me and my teenage son.
For some reason, Jay believes I have been unfaithful to him on several occasions. Nothing could be further from the truth. My last physical relationship was six years before I met Jay. I do not sleep around. That’s not my style.
I have asked Jay repeatedly why he thinks I have been with someone else, but he cannot come up with any reason. I love Jay with all my heart, Ann, and am always happy to see him. I have asked why he stays with me if he believes I am unfaithful, but I never get a straight answer. Please help me understand.
— True Blue in Arlington, Texas
Dear Arlington: Either Jay has heard lies about you, or he is unreasonably jealous — a dangerous trait. He may even be the one who is cheating and is accusing you to deflect the blame. It is in your best interest to find out the truth before you marry Jay, otherwise, the relationship is destined for trouble.
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Dear Ann Landers: My husband and I are retired and living on Social Security. We try to make our assets last so we will not have to depend on our children.
Last month, we went to our grandchild’s graduation in a city 100 miles away. I’d like your opinion of a son who owns a million-dollar house and six cars, then drives us to a chain restaurant and tells the waitress we will be paying for our own dinner. I might also add that “Big Spender” sends nothing for Mother’s Day, although he does call long-distance — because his calls are free on Sundays.
Is he cheap or what?
— Louisville, Ky.
Dear Louisville: I hate to say this about your son, but he certainly comes across as a brass-plated, four-door cheapskate. My condolences.
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To find out more about Ann Landers and read her past columns, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.