Dear Ann Landers: My husband and I live in military housing. His supervisor recently moved in across the street. The wife has decided I am her new best friend.
“Eleanor” drops in to visit five times a day. Because she knows I don’t smoke, she puts her cigarette butts out on my lawn. It doesn’t help. Every piece of furniture in my living room smells of smoke. When my husband and I sit down to eat, Eleanor comes over and sits with us until we are finished. If she sees me get into my car, she grabs her purse and jumps in next to me. She doesn’t care where I’m going. She wants to come too. Last week was the last straw. She told her son I would pick him up from work because she knew I’d be going that way.
Eleanor is a major gossip and tells me things I should not know about other military personnel. She is loud, rude and vulgar. I cannot avoid her, and I cannot tell her off because she is the wife of my husband’s boss. I am trying to keep the peace until we are permitted to move, but I don’t know how long I can keep my cool. Advise me, please. — Mouth Shut in Colorado
Dear Colorado: Lock your door so Eleanor cannot drop in during dinner. If she rings the bell, say, “So sorry, but we’re eating now. I’ll call you when we are finished.” Then close the door immediately. Put boxes and packages in your car so she has nowhere to sit. If she asks you to pick up her son, tell her, “Sorry, but I have a doctor’s appointment.”
Be friendly and smile, but don’t allow her to take advantage of you.
Dear Ann Landers: Eight months ago, I secretly married “Tony.” We have been living together for two years. His mother lives with us. He does not want his mother to know we are married. (He still calls her “Mommy.”)
Tony is mildly disabled from a car accident, and his mother is his primary caregiver. She is a wonderful woman, but whenever the subject of marriage comes up, she cries and asks what will happen to her. Tony says we shouldn’t say anything about marriage until she is “ready.”
I don’t think she will ever be ready. I wouldn’t mind if she lived nearby. In fact, I’d be willing to rent the apartment next door. But I think it’s time my marriage was out in the open. Tony says I am being selfish. Am I? — Patsy in Pennsylvania
Dear Patsy: You are not being selfish. Tony is a mama’s boy. Tell him he has one week to let Mommy know you are married. After that, you will tell her. I wish you luck. You’re going to need it.
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Dear Ann Landers: I have been planning a family vacation with some friends, the “Smiths.” We are taking a cruise together at the end of August. I made the mistake of mentioning the cruise to another friend, and she called yesterday to say she had booked the same cruise for her family.
I don’t want to take a vacation with both of these families. They do not know each other, and I don’t think they will get along. It will be awkward for us to split our time between them, and I am sure it will ruin my entire vacation. Is there any way to ask one of them to back out of the cruise? — Don’t Want to Hurt Feelings in Dallas
Dear Dallas: No. Your friends might get along fine, and if they don’t, there are other things to do on a cruise. You are under no obligation to entertain them. Because your plans are to travel with the Smiths, concentrate on them, and try to have a good time.
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Gem of the Day: Summer vacation is a time when parents realize that teachers are grossly underpaid.