Dear Ann Landers: I am a 39-year-old man who has custody of my 12-year-old daughter. My wife has custody of her two sons from a previous marriage. My daughter will be entering her teens in a few months, and I know she will be busy with her friends and school. She won’t have as much time for me as she does right now. I would like to take her on a vacation this summer so we can have a bonding experience. It would be just the two of us.
My wife has gone ballistic over the idea. I offered to take my daughter when the two boys are with their father. No matter what spin I put on it, my wife doesn’t want me to go. Mind you, she has no objection to my taking a weeklong fishing trip with my buddies, but when it comes to my daughter, she is jealous and insecure.
Am I wrong to want to create some special memories for my daughter that do not include my wife?
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— Undecided in Chicago
Dear Chicago: I think it is a lovely idea. Most daughters would be thrilled to have their father all to themselves for a week, and you are right — the opportunity rarely presents itself when they are teenagers. If your wife were wise, she would encourage you to go and have a good time. Her graciousness would endear her both to you and your daughter. Tell her I said so.
Dear Ann Landers: I went out with “Jane” three times, and now she finds excuses not to see me, and I have no idea why. This isn’t the first time a budding relationship has ended for no reason. I am a nice guy and treat these women well, yet I cannot get them to return my phone calls. I wish they would tell me what the problem is. Do I have bad breath? Are my shirts dingy? Do I walk funny?
I think today’s women are crazy. They want a man to “be there” for them, but they are never around for you. They want a man to be part of their lives, but they want their independence. You can now add me to the growing list of men who are calling it quits. I fully expect to live the rest of my life alone.
— Mike in Brooklyn, N.Y.
Dear Mike: Please don’t quit yet. I’m sure there’s a woman out there for you. When someone tells me he or she cannot find a date, I say, “Ask two of your closest friends to be brutally honest and tell you what they think is the problem.”
Too many men are attracted to a woman’s appearance and cannot understand why their affection is not returned. Perhaps you need to examine the kind of women you are pursuing and rearrange your priorities.
Dear Ann Landers: I work in a large office with dozens of cubicles and employees. I find music a distraction at work, but many of my co-workers enjoy it. The problem is, every morning I am treated to the sound of two radios playing two different stations. This is maddening. Not only does it disturb my concentration, but I also must listen to someone else’s choice of music all day long.
If I complain to the supervisor, everyone will know who made them turn off their radios, and I will be resented. Even if I change jobs, this is likely to happen elsewhere.
Please, Ann, help me find a solution.
— Need a Private Office in Georgia
Dear Georgia: Explain nicely to your co-workers that the noise disrupts your concentration, and ask if they would be willing to wear headphones. (Or you could wear them.) Are you willing to go to the supervisor about this? If not, learn to live with it.