Dear Ann Landers: I’d like to respond to the letter from “Pen Pal in Baton Rouge, La.,” who was involved with an inmate.
I have worked in adult corrections for 15 years and have seen very few romantic relationships with inmates work out — only four out of 10,000. I would like to offer the following guidelines:
1. She needs to think of three good reasons why she should be involved with a man who has been found guilty of a crime. She should try out her logic on family and friends to see if they agree.
2. She should contact the inmate’s correctional counselor or case manager to determine if he has given her accurate information regarding his marital status, number of children and criminal history. If he truly loves her, he will be honest.
3. She should meet his family. Will they accept her and her children?
4. She must contact an attorney to find out her financial responsibilities if she marries him. Some states make her responsible for his fines and back child-support payments.
If she follows these guidelines and feels secure in the relationship, I wish her the best.
— Helotes, Texas
Dear Texas: Thank you for the excellent advice. Many readers wrote to say “Pen Pal” should be extremely cautious in pursuing this relationship — and I agree:
From Gary, Ind.: When my church started a prison Bible study, an inmate began writing to me. I was impressed by his knowledge and humility. We set a date to get married upon his release. I bought a nice suit for him to wear to the ceremony. A few months after he got out of prison, he married my best friend. He wore the suit I bought him.
Visalia, Calif.: I am a female correctional officer. Inmates are very manipulative and can be quite charming. They prey on women with low self-esteem and use them for whatever they can get, including money and long-distance phone calls. Many women write sexually explicit letters. This guy is using her and could be dangerous to her children.
Anaheim, Calif.: I answered a prisoner’s ad in the newspaper. He told me he had committed a white-collar crime at his accounting firm and had been a professional baseball player. He sent me a baseball card with his photo and statistics on it. They were all lies. It turned out he was a serial rapist.
Bowling Green, Ky.: My cousin got to know a man who worked in the prison dining room. He told her he was a state employee and courted her. She loaned him money for his business. He disappeared the next day, and that’s when she discovered he was an escaped prisoner with a wife and family in another state.
Sacramento: I belong to a pen pal club and received letters from inmates. Most wanted money and nude photos, but one man asked for neither. He was serving time for fraud. He is everything he told me, and we will be married soon.
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San Antonio: I married a man in prison who convinced me he was innocent. When he was released, he had the respectable wife, house, dog and a legal job while building a life of crime in another city. I’m lucky not to be in prison with him.
Woodland Hills, Calif.: I have been incarcerated three times. Women who become pen pals with prisoners are sick. They suffer from feelings of inadequacy and lack self-esteem. Writing to someone who is a “failure” makes them feel superior. They foolishly fall for his line of baloney because they want to believe it.
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