Dear Ann Landers: I recently completed my master’s degree, and my husband is giving me a big party to celebrate. The guest list will include students, professors, co-workers, neighbors, friends and immediate family. I have decided not to invite my older brother, “Nate.”
Nate is mentally ill, and when he stops taking his medication, he can become violent. Two months ago, he attacked my grandfather and made terrorist threats against the police department and FBI. Criminal charges were dropped so he could seek medical treatment. When Nate has his illness under control, he is gentle and mild-mannered. On other occasions, however, his behavior is frightening. Several years ago, Nate threatened to kill my entire family, and I am scared to death of him.
My mother is upset because we refuse to include Nate at the party. I don’t think it’s wise to have an unstable, possibly dangerous person in my home, and it is too soon to let him come in contact with my children. I told Mom that Nate needs to be on his medication for at least six months before I will invite him over.
I love my brother, Ann. If you think I am out of line, I will listen to you, but I have small children and must put their safety first. — Troubled Sister in New Jersey
Dear Sister: It would be stressful for everyone, including Nate, if he were to attend your party. You would do him no favor by inviting him to a big bash before his illness is under control. Limit his contact with your children, but remember, he needs his family. And please let him know you love him.
Dear Ann Landers: My mother-in-law sees nothing wrong with giving my children candy, chocolate and sugary sodas. Whenever they see her, they whine and beg for sweets. The result is a ruined appetite, a sugar rush and a headache for me.
My children are under 5 years old. There is no reason for them to have sugary treats. I want them to learn good eating habits. When I ask my mother-in-law to stop, she says, “Grandchildren are for spoiling.” She is undermining my authority as a parent by telling the children, “Your mother won’t let you have candy, but I’ll give you some anyway.” They think she is just wonderful and I am cruel.
My husband agrees with me but will not stand up to his mother. My children love their grandparents, and I don’t want to deprive the in-laws of their grandchildren, but this is becoming a serious problem. Please tell me what to do. — Sugar-Free in Texas
Dear Texas: Your mother-in-law is vying for your children’s affection the only way she knows how. Unless this happens every day, try not to make it a big issue. Feed the children a nourishing meal before visiting the in-laws. They will be less hungry, and the treats will not spoil their appetite.
Start now to teach your children about proper nutrition. Explain that sugary things may taste good, but too much can be harmful and will not help them grow strong muscles and bones. In time, they will tell Grandma, “No, thanks,” when offered junk food.
Dear Ann Landers: My 16-year-old daughter received an invitation to a baby shower for a classmate. The father is a 21-year-old family friend who is well-off and has promised to be a responsible father. My daughter knows we disapprove of sex at such a young age, but I am afraid she will think having a baby is wonderful if she attends this elaborate shower. Should we permit her to go? — Confused in Ohio
Dear Ohio: Talk to your daughter about your concerns. Explain that a baby shower is temporary entertainment, while having a child is a full-time, permanent position. She is old enough to understand the difference. Then let her attend.
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To find out more about Ann Landers and read her past columns, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.