Dear Ann Landers: My husband, “Joe,” and I will be celebrating our 25th anniversary in a few months. In the past 10 years, we have spent five family vacations at Yellowstone Park because Joe loves geysers.
A few years ago, Joe went online and discovered a club for geyser-gazers who keep in touch over the Internet. Since then, he has geysers on his mind all year. He has gone to Yellowstone without me several times for long weekends. Now he tells me he wants to spend every vacation there, by himself, for the rest of his life. I was very hurt when he said he wants to go to Yellowstone instead of joining me on the cruise we had planned for our silver anniversary. We live on the East Coast, and Yellowstone is not an inexpensive trip. Right now, we could use the money to fix up our house and put something away for our retirement. Joe says he’d rather spend the money looking at geysers.
I am feeling abandoned and cheated. Is it unreasonable for me to object to this recent development? Sign me . . .
— Competing with Old Faithful
Dear Old Faithful: Is it possible that Joe has found something other than geysers to interest him? It seems mighty peculiar that he wants to spend every vacation at Yellowstone — alone. It’s a beautiful park, but it should not take the place of a wife and family.
Whether Joe is obsessed with geysers or something else is going on, the result is the same. He has made himself unavailable to you. Insist that he go with you to see a marriage counselor and sort this out before he does irreparable harm to your relationship. He must put your marriage first.
Dear Ann Landers: This is for “Alabama Sister,” who recently discovered her brother is gay and isn’t sure how to talk to him.
I have a gay sister. Do you want to know what we talk about? Books, movies, current events, my kids, recipes, gardening and our jobs. Do you want to know what we do not talk about? Our sex lives — hers or mine.
To “Alabama Sister,” I say, your brother hasn’t changed. The only difference is your perception of him. Love him for all the wonderful qualities he has that you can share as his sibling and friend. You wouldn’t discuss his sex life if he were heterosexual, so why should it matter now?
— Sister and Friend Forever
Dear Sister: You are absolutely right. I hope everyone who reads your letter will take it to heart. Bless you for putting things in the proper perspective.
Dear Ann Landers: I recently received a computer-printed invitation to a co-worker’s wedding. It was not personally addressed to me, but she handed out dozens of them at the office.
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The celebration will take place on a cruise ship, and includes a reception with dinner and dancing. You might think this is a huge expense, but the bride has figured out how to afford it. She is charging each person $80 to participate in her wedding.
Am I out of touch, or is it now acceptable to bill your guests to attend your wedding?
— Virginia Miss
Dear Virginia: It is never acceptable to treat your guests as “customers.” Bridal couples should have the kind of reception they can afford and not expect their friends to foot the bill so they can put on an extravagant show. I hope you sent your regrets.
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